Sharing our Gifts. Pass it on.

I had the opportunity before I started working in the salon I do now, to work in a very large salon.  And as some of you may know...women can be a tad "catty".  Yes, I know.  Shocker.  It is something I find a challenge in the business of making people look good.  Though there are men in the business too, it seems things can get slightly tense with the women especially.  I like the competitive ideas the-place-that-shall-remain-nameless had, but I like where I am even more now because there is team work.
Penny has been hairdressing for much longer than I have.  She has a comfort in the salon with her clients I admire very much.  They are like family to her.  And yet, she is able to keep things very professional too.  And, even better, she is open to new ideas.  I think we are the perfect team.  She shows me how to be calm, professional and business minded.  And I show her how to be more assertive and creative (I get her to think outside the box).  Working with her has never been competitive and yet we have managed to build each other up and make our business stronger.
Yesterday, we had a few hours to work together.  She had one of our old coworkers in the chair and I had my lovely pastor's wife in my chair.  The conversation was great and so was the energy in the salon.  Penny's client (who is a good friend to both of us) wanted a specific cut.  Though I was listening to my client with one ear, I was listening to Penny's with my other.  The cut they were referring to is one of my favorites.  I didn't hesitate when asked to come over and refresh Penny's memory on the cut.  
The beauty of the situation?  There was no pride, no "I'm better than you moment".  It was two women working together to make some look and feel beautiful.
What talents do you possess?  Are you sharing them with others?  Are you allowing the best of you to show and helping to build each other up?  Like pieces of a puzzle, we are all supposed to fit together in some way.  Given the opportunity, no matter what your talents, let them shine.
I love to teach.  And given the opportunity to educate a client or help my amazing coworker, I love it.  And I do it with humility and the desire to make the other person better.
Today, I challenge you to take one opportunity to let your best self shine.  Now what are you going to do with it?  Believe.

Ms. Perfect (Maybe not)

Okay, I think we have definitely established I love what I do.  But, there is a down side to it.  The image the client has of themselves.  You know what I am talking about.  The self critical little voice in our heads.  The one that critiques every little part of us we may feel uncomfortable with.  Maybe you think your forehead is too big.  Your hair is too thin.  Your face is too "fat" (I hear this one often).  Or better yet, the "if onlys".  If only I could lose 20 pounds.  If only my hair was curly.  If only my hair was straight.  If only my hair was long.  If only I wasn't going gray.  Or even better, I am handed a photo of a super model and asked to recreate her hair on my client...the model has long straight hair.  The client...curly short hair.  Umm...okay...
I confess.  I am extremely self critical.  I have managed to pack on a good portion of the "baby weight" as I have found comfort in stuffing my face and sitting on my butt while going through this stressful time.  I justify the behavior with how busy life is with four kids.  The gym is just IMPOSSIBLE to get to.  And yet,  I feel parts jiggle that I didn't even know I had.  And I shame myself for not being more self disciplined.  And I get pissed when I have to suck in as much as possible to get my pants to zip up.  The Victoria's Secret catalog comes in the mail and I throw it in the trash as fast as I can because though I order the necessities from them, I can't stand to look at the "perfect" bodies that fill the pages.  They are yet another reminder of what I am not.
I find we do this with everything in life.  We see someone wearing a new outfit that looks amazing.  And we are sporting our yoga pants and ponytails (yea I said it).  We see our neighbors moving into a beautiful home and we are sitting in the same townhouse we have been in for years.  Someone we know is headed to a tropical island while we continue the monotony of our day to day routine.  Ugh.
Then we go further with it.  We see our perfect friend and her perfect body and her perfect everything and we think...what. the. hell?!  How did I end up with these thunder thighs and she is a skinny minnie?  Why am I the one to be sitting at home while she goes to the beach and works on her tan?  Ms. Perfect.  Uh yea.  Let me tell you, it's a lie we tell ourselves when we do the self talk game.  Let's compare the "worst" of ourselves to the "best" of someone else.  Helpful?  No.  Culturally ingrained for most of us women?  Uh, yeah.
We all have "flaws".  We all have our "stuff".  Not one of us isn't riddled with some kind of longing to be better than we are by comparing ourselves to someone else or long to change something about our physical appearance because the model in the magazine is Ms Perfect.  Then there's our living situation, our job...you get the idea.
I was scrolling through facebook not too long ago when I came across a quote that has haunted me for weeks now.  And when I say haunted, I mean YUCK!  It said "Everything happens for a reason.  Or maybe you're just dumb and make bad decisions". Ugh.
Haven't we all struggled with something?  Physical, emotional, financial.  Whatever it may be, do we put ourselves right where we are in life?  Yes.  But even if we aren't Ms. Perfect, could it be that where we are is exactly where we are supposed to be?
So today, I sit here a little thicker in the middle than I would like.  It will come off.  I will get the motivation to work on it....sometime.  But what the hell.  I am going to go ahead and embrace it.  Having four babies and a few cookies got me here.  And, heading back to the gym will take care of that.  But for now, I am going to embrace this chub, the hair with a few gray strands that need coloring and face the world with a smile on my face.  And, I am going to pose the question...wouldn't it be better to lift each other up, flaws and all and embrace our differences?  I say let's give it a try.  And in the meantime, I will be at the salon to work on a few of the more reasonable requests of each of you.  (I am sure I have some great ideas for a new cut or color for summer.)  Let's start a revolution.  Let's ditch "Ms. Perfect".  I can feel the pressure I have put on myself lifting already.  How 'bout you?

Believe.

My Thankfuls

I had a client come in yesterday for a haircut.  I have to admit she and her daughter are so similar in their personalities, it's scary.  They have this dry sense of humor that brightens my day every time either one of them walks into the salon.  And, if I get the two of them together, even better.  
I haven't been having the easiest time these days.  Now, when I say this I am not complaining.  I am simply stating the obvious.  And, this wonderful client put it perfectly.  "Here's Stacey, and here's the black cloud!"  Umm...yea.  I would say so.  It has been more than a rough couple of months.  So today's blog starts with a quote I am going to use to remind myself daily, "This too shall pass" and I am going to throw out a list of things I am thankful for. Every night before I go to bed for the past few months, this ritual has been a part of my bedtime routine.  I have to come up with at least three things I am thankful for. I am hoping this will inspire you, my dear reader, to dig deep and think of the things you are thankful for.  Or, better yet, post them in my comments section.  I can't think of a better way to start the day.  And, if that stupid black cloud is still around, I am going to start leaving the house with an umbrella regardless of weather or not the sun is shining.

1. I am thankful my son is alive and healthy.  His accident was one of the scariest days of my life.  His angels were watching out for him.
2. I am thankful my littlest is going to be one in about a week.  She is one of the brightest spots on my life with her chubby cheeks and her carefree view of the world.
3. I am thankful for a career I love which makes it never feel like work.
4. I am thankful for the "hair challenges" that come through the door of the salon.  They make me giddy...most of the time.
5. I am thankful I work with someone who makes me laugh and makes work even more enjoyable.  She is definitely my hair soul mate.
6. I am thankful for the people who have lifted me up and helped carry me on the darkest days of this storm.  Meals, moving, texts, phone calls, you name it.
7. I am thankful for those who haven't been there for me through this time.  They have taught me lessons I didn't know I needed to learn.
8. I am thankful for my faith.  I know it will get better.  And, I am beginning to hear those angels singing a little louder every day.
9. I am thankful for my "person".  Everyone has one.  That one person who seems to be there through it all and never gives up on you.  The one who makes life a little sweeter just because they are in it.
10. I am thankful I am stronger than I was yesterday and I will be even stronger tomorrow because of this dark cloud.  So, I say, bring it on.  It might not be what I expected, but then again, who said life is what we plan it to be anyway?

Believe.

Confessions of an (almost) Ponytail

Those of you who know me know how I feel about the (dreaded) ponytail.  Yes, there is a time and a place for this 'do, but the fact is, I just don't like them.  Working out, cleaning house, new baby, fine.  But if you are sporting this look to work...you need an intervention.
Due to the chaos in my life, I have been on a haircut strike.  Yes, this hairdresser, who always has the polished perfect look is just letting it go.  I am lucky to get the gray hairs covered these days due to how busy Penny and I have been.  Yes Penny, that is a hint.  So, while caring for my son and running around the house yesterday, I found myself calling out to my teenager "Do you have a ponytail holder?"  Yeah, I said it.  And, within a few minutes I had a nub of hair on the back of my head.  It isn't quite long enough to look like the horse's a@# I usually refer to, but the fact is, I went there.  And, I have to admit for the chaos I was dealing with in the house, it was worth it.  So ladies, I am going to stop giving you a hard time for the next few hot months when you stroll into the salon with your 'do in the dreaded ponytail.  And, I am going to sport mine only in the comfort of my own home with no witnesses but the family.
Please let me be clear, I am happier with a beautiful blowout on each and every one of us, but let's face it.  Sometimes ya just need to throw it back and look like a horse's a@#. 

Testing 1...2...3...

 

When I tell you this family is on overload, I am not exaggerating.  We are definitely being tested in every way possible.  I remember a few short months ago, as I was starting my journey with blogging, thinking about what might be ahead of me.  I felt like I was meant to do "something more".  I meditated and prayed about it daily.  I thought my angels were trying to let me know I was needed in some other way than just my day to day routine.  I was ready for whatever it was.  I guess I was not specific enough in my prayers because I had NO idea what I was about to be hit with.  And, I am sure this is how it is for most people when they are hit with many big things all at once.
I was at work this past week when I got the word my youngest son was in an accident.  Without getting into too many details of it, we have been in a helicopter, spent a few nights in the hospital and he has had surgery to repair a broken femur.  He is home and recovering and we are finally getting the added medical attention we need at home to function and help him heal.  This mom is now taking a deep breath, letting it all sink in and recognizing how "lucky" we are and how much worse it could have been.  I believe the word would be gratitude. 
So, I have headed back to work.  Because as all small business owners know, you aren't getting paid if you aren't working.  I have every intention when I head into work to give my all to everyone who comes through the door.  But, I am human.  And, sometimes I fall short due to the distractions of my other roles.  Namely, being a mom.  I believe I needed a reminder of the need for a separation of home and work.  And, I have taken this lesson to heart and am going to make a conscious effort to pull it together.  The reality of life is, when we get hit with "stuff", it is usually a bunch of stuff all at once.  I tend to use the term s@#$ storm.  It seems like the only appropriate description of what happens when one is slammed with life's challenges all at once and it all comes at you so fast, it hits like a tornado.
During these times, it is so easy to be negative.  And even more so, to be angry.  I have been angrier than I think I have ever been.  I have focused on the loss of friendships, the lack of support from people I thought "should" be there.  I have been filled with resentment and hurt.  I have painted myself the victim and made "them" the offender.  Plain and simple.  I have been pissed at the world.  I have suppressed the anger and put on a happy face all the while holding in the giant ball of anger in my gut.  And while it has been eating away at me, I have played the blame game.
As I got done a rather stressful and intense day at work yesterday I had a little bit of time to reflect.  I was peaceful all day even through the next phase of the storm.  I had clients ask about my son and his condition along with other things that might trigger a string of negativity and I was cool as a cucumber.  As I got in the car and thought about my day, I was shocked at how calm I had been.
I was calm because I realized for the first time in the last couple of months that I am not the only one in a storm of chaos and stress.  Yes, simple concept, I know.  And yet, the intense level of stress has caused me to pull into a shell and cripple me from seeing others and their needs and stresses.  Huh.  I am not alone.  And, being angry has gotten me nowhere.  If anything, it has added to the chaos and stress and made things just a little bit harder for everyone in the house.  Go figure.
So, I am letting go.  I am releasing the hurt of a life long friend.  I am going to stop shaking a fist in the air at the people who I expected to be there.  I am going to stop blaming and I am going to start listening to the angels again.  I am going to take the ball of anger and trash it.  It is only harming me and those around me.  I can't be a hairapist who's pissed.  They simply don't go together.
And, I am going to reflect on the positive.  My last client of the night last night has been an acquaintance I have wanted to get to know more.  For some reason, whenever she comes in, we have an incredible connection.  And yet, we haven't ever gotten together outside of the salon.  We have so much in common and our conversations run deep.  When I talk to her, I am comforted by our shared struggles and her sweet spirit.  I am thankful for her kindness and even more so, for the interaction with her at the end of my crazy day.  She helped me and probably doesn't even know it.
Through our family stresses, there have been so many who have dropped by with meals, care packages for my son, phone calls of support and so on.  These things just cannot be overlooked.  They are blessings.  They are living angels who have stepped in where others haven't or couldn't.  I have robbed myself and my family of those blessings by focusing so much on the negative.  I'm releasing it NOW.
As the weekend starts, and the s@#$ storm might continue, I am going to make the conscious choice to focus on the good stuff.  I am going to think of all the love that has been thrown our way.  I am going to rise above the ugliness I have no control over, realize I am not alone in the struggles of life, and keep on keepin' on.  And, of couse, I am going to Believe.

Expectations

Every day I go to work, it is with the anticipation of what lies ahead.  I never know if it will be a day of clients needing to unload emotional baggage and a serious hairapy session, or if it will be a day of excitement and new ideas.  Last week, I had a day I would compare to Christmas.  I had THREE new clients in ONE day!  This never happens.  I am usually seeing my "regulars".  And, please know I love each and every one.  But, there is something about a "newbie" that brings about an indescribable giddiness in me.  I find it hard to contain myself.  And many times, I get strange looks from this poor person who has no idea how passionate I am about what I do.  (To the people who really know me and my creative "process", they are probably chuckling right now).

This day was MIND. BLOWING.  Three people, all with different "hair issues" and they were all extreme makeovers.  I felt alive with creativity and was able to let the outside world go and savor every moment.  I had no expectations of what the day was to be, and it turned out to be AH-MAZING!  I came home on a natural high of a day filled with success. There is something truly incredible in the creative process when passion and talent come together and I see my client's face light up as they see the finished look in the mirror.  The craziest part about this?  They are trusting a complete stranger based off of one person telling them I am good at what I do.  Yikes.  Now that is pressure.  I always ask if they are nervous.  Sometimes the answer is yes (well, most of the time).  And sometimes the answer is no (followed by "it's just hair"...people, it is never "just hair" to me).

This day got me thinking about my life right now and all of the changes I have had going on.  I have been quiet on the blogging front because I wanted to reconnect with myself and make sure my blog wasn't veering away from what I wanted it to be.  I wanted an authentic view of the life of a hairapist with a twist of day to day life lessons.  I wanted to uplift the reader or at least get them thinking.  If my angels were down to a low hum (or I was just too distracted to listen) how was I going to be able to give anything to my reader?

I believe my biggest struggle has been expectations.  I set them for myself and for those around me.   And, when I fail to meet them, or the people around me do, I let it take me down.

My Christmas Day in the salon made me rethink this.  When there is no expectation, how can there be disappointment?  When we stop expecting people to act a certain way, or our day to head in a certain direction, disappointment isn't an option.  In it's place is the opportunity for magic to happen.

I was listening to an audio book in the car the other day from one of my favorite spiritual advisors.  She said if you take five minutes in the morning of quiet to be thankful for what you have and open your mind to the possibilities of the day, you will not be disappointed.  I tried it.  I thought, what do I have to lose?  It's five minutes.  And, you know what?  It worked.  Now, in my way of thinking, this was time to listen to those angels and let go of expectation.  For you, it may be viewed differently.  But, however you look at it, it's five mintues.  Try it.  What do you have to lose.  Let go of the expectations of yourself and those around you.  And believe.

Deal Breakers

I went to see a mentor/friend of mine the other day.  I respect him and his opinion so much.  We started talking about deal breakers.  He said he could never be married to a smoker.  He could handle addiction, mental illness, etc but he simply couldn’t handle a smoker. 

When I have a client in my chair, and I think they need to change something in order to enhance their look, I have to choose my words very carefully.  There is a difference between respectful honesty, and a hurtful attack.  I hope I have never made the mistake of giving a client my opinion (when they have asked for it) and had it come across as anything more than my opinion, respectfully.  After all, I have no idea what this person sitting in my chair is going through.  I have no idea what their day was like before they sat down in my chair.  And, as I have mentioned before, I have no idea what baggage they carry with them from the past that I cannot see but is a part of who they are.  So, I am real and true, but not hurtful.

There will always be deal breakers in every relationship.  We may not say what they are to our friends, we may assume they are understood, but those closest to us know our Achilles heel.  Or do they?

Last night, my daughter received a call from her father.  In order for me to explain, let me give you a little history.  We met when I was 13.  He was 17.  I was smitten.  He was charismatic and charming.  And, my parents couldn’t stand him.  He was the perfect combination for the exciting start of some dramatic teenage years.  We drifted in and out of each other’s lives until we met up again at college.  I HAD to be with him.  The 13 year old in me still thought at 18 he was superman.  The dream guy.  And so started a very short term marriage two months to the day after my eighteenth birthday.  We weren’t married but maybe a year when the abuse started.  He was verbally abusive at first, then it got physical.  My deal breaker was the day we moved back to Maryland from Utah.  Our precious little girl was 4 months old and we were having a petty argument.  He picked me up and threw me down onto the carpet covered cement floor of the basement and knocked me out.  And, for me, that was the beginning of the end.

My daughter has always been the light of this man’s life.  He has treated her like a princess…until recently.  He now talks to her the same way he has talked to me for years.  As they talked last night, I was reminded of the deal breaker.  Once she got off the phone with him (in tears), I called him to “put out the fire”.  Evidently, it didn’t matter what I had to say.  He had an axe to grind.  And so I let him yell for a while and then said goodbye, never allowing my temper to get the best of me.

I decided it was time to have the conversation with my beautiful daughter about deal breakers.  After all, she is 16.  And, she needs to know now, there are certain things that are just unacceptable.  And, she has a choice and a voice as to whether she is going to allow herself to be put in a situation she doesn’t feel is healthy for her.  I didn’t say “Don’t talk to your Dad”.  I simply said “If anyone talks to you in a way that upsets you and you feel you don’t deserve, end it”.  Deal breaker.

I realize this has been a theme for me lately.  I believe my angels are trying to get me to reach deep within and figure out what my deal breakers are and respect myself enough to have boundaries.  By doing this, it doesn’t have to mean the other person is right or wrong, it simply means it doesn’t fit in with what WE have chosen for our own lives.  And, sadly, sometimes it means reevaluating relationships we hold the closest and possibly even letting them go.  Even if it is a father.  Even if it is a best friend of many years.  Even if it is your partner.  If it is the difference between being true to yourself and living a life you know isn’t what you want, it’s a deal breaker.  Your angels can’t sing if you are sitting with someone blowing smoke in your face when that’s your deal breaker.  Your angels can’t sing when your father or friend is yelling at you.  It’s a deal breaker.

What is your deal breaker?  Do you have people in your life close to you who push that boundary?  How do you handle it?  In my silence the past few days, I have allowed myself the quiet reflection of looking at myself.  If I am going to be a better hairapist, mother and friend, I want to make sure I am treating others with kindness, respect and love.  And, if you are hitting my Achilles heel, knowing it is my Achilles heel, it’s a deal breaker.

So to my dear beautiful oldest daughter, I say to you, be true to yourself.  Honor the woman you are becoming.  Figure out what your deal breakers are NOW so in the future, no matter who it is, you will know to walk away from any situation that isn’t for your higher good.  This life is meant to be one of happiness and peace.  If it is me or your father or anyone else who doesn’t respect that, tell them.  If the behavior doesn’t change, love yourself enough to distance yourself from those who are toxic.  Sometimes being you means being you alone.  And you don’t need others approval to know this.  Just chalk it up to a deal breaker.  And believe.

The Game Changer

Jane has only been a client of mine for about six months now.  She came to me because she needed a new look.  She is a beautiful middle aged woman who had gotten lost in her daughter’s drug addiction.  The very first time she came to me, she was candid about her struggles.  We had many parallels in our lives.  I believe this is why she felt so comfortable to talk to me about her situation.  While we worked on a new sassy ‘do for Jane, she talked to me about all of the sacrifices she made in order to get her daughter away from the drugs and negative influences.  Jane had put her own happiness on the line in order to “save” her daughter.

Jane has reached out to me several times asking how to get her angels to sing.  I got up this morning at 4 am and had an “aha” moment.  I know it was meant to be shared with Jane, but more importantly, I know the message was for me too.  I realized I can’t rest until I share it.  So for all you “Jane’s” out there, here it is…

I had a game changer moment this morning Jane.  I realized WE can’t live for someone else’s happiness or safety.  Sure, she is your daughter.  And you were blessed to be her mom.  But, she is grown now.  And you can’t save her.  You can be there as a support to her but you can’t put a protective bubble around her and keep her from going back to something if it is what she chooses.  And while you are trying to keep her from the things she may or may not go back to, you are completely neglecting YOU.

Living in fear of the “what if” is not living.  It is clinging onto a branch like a kitten in a tree.  We are hoping we don’t fall.   But, by thinking about the fall, we are creating the inevitable.  Whether it is our own “stuff” or someone else’s, we can’t change what “is”.  It is up to us to live each day as authentically as possible.

So, Jane (and this is for me too), we need to stop living for others and start doing what is right for us.  It might mean hurt.  It might mean pain.  But, if you aren’t taking care of YOU, who will?  I have faith if we both do this, our angels will sing louder than ever.  We are each here to grow individually.  We might have the help and support of others, but we can’t get lost in them.  It means losing our own way.  And, I don’t know about you but I am completely exhausted from living like this.

When you stop for a moment, and it is just you and the quiet, ask yourself this:  Am I living authentically?  Or am I doing what I feel obligated to do?  Am I being the person I am meant to be?  Or am I putting other’s needs before my own?   We each have our own angels singing.  Some of us are just more careful to listen.  I’m ready to start listening a little closer.  Are you?

Believe.

My Absence

My blogging has been rather quiet lately.  I have had messages and requests for posts.  And though I can attribute some of it to my mountain getaway, it doesn’t really explain it all.

I have been working like crazy to catch up with my clients.  Business is busier than ever and though it is stressful, when I walk into my creative space, I feel like I come alive.  Every client sitting in my chair is the potential for something amazing.  I am allowed the privilege of making magic happen.  And, sometimes, I don’t quite hit the mark.

Yesterday, I had a client come in for her second visit.  She is a referral from a dear friend of mine.  When she left her appointment the first time, she was THRILLED!  She couldn’t say enough about how happy she was to find me.  Her cut was exactly what she wanted.  She walked out of the salon with a skip in her step and once again, I was happy to see another person so happy.  But yesterday…well, yesterday was different.  Carol came into the salon and the moment she walked through the door, I knew something wasn’t right.  She was quiet and sullen.  Her makeup and hair were done and she looked polished as she had the first time, but she seemed low.  I don’t know how I know these things.  But, after doing hair for so many years, I have learned to read people’s body language.  It was evident something was very wrong.

Once Carol sat in the chair, I proceeded to do the usual.  I asked her how her cut had worked for her and what we needed to do to get her the same look.  All of a sudden I was thrown into a very direct (repeated several times) description of how awful the last few weeks with this cut had been for her.  Yikes.  Now, my first response was to shut down.  My internal dialogue was something like this.  “Holy crap.  I messed up.  She is unhappy.  And now, she is repeating over and over again how unhappy she is…what am I going to do.  I am not meant to be a hairdresser.  She is not meant to be my client.  What is wrong with me?”  Outwardly, I sat quietly and took it all in.  Once she was repeating the unhappy details of the past few weeks for the third time, I calmly stepped in, assured her I knew how to fix it and started to stand to shampoo her.  She sat in the chair, leaned her head into the bowl, and I said a quiet prayer I would be able to deliver a good cut.  Sounds silly, but I felt a tremendous amount of pressure.  Clearly, I was not what she needed right?  WRONG.  Once Carol had her head in the shampoo bowl and I started to wash her hair, she opened up about her life.  Something tragic is going on with her son.  She was so sorry if she sounded negative.  She wasn’t even sure she should keep her appointment with me.  And then the tears began to flow.  And, my heart turned from defensive to compassion.  Yes, she wasn’t happy with her cut, but there was so much going on in her life and well, it wasn’t all about me.

I have been thinking about Carol since yesterday.  I have prayed for her and her family.  And, I have reflected on the number of times I have assumed everything was great in someone else’s life while mine wasn’t exactly going as planned.  I have thought about how many times I will think the person in my chair has a chip on their shoulder and immediately, I take it personally. 

Carol was another reminder.  When someone is short tempered, quiet (out of their usual temperament), or overly critical, it probably isn’t about us.  Each one of us walks around with the weight of our own adversity.  Sometimes, we have a spring in our step.  Life is good.  And then there are those times, the really tough times, where we can’t hide what is really weighing on our hearts.

My blog has been quiet these days because just like Carol, my heart is heavy right now.  It isn’t the worst “stuff” I have ever been through.  And, I am sure I will face much worse at some point in my life.  But, as I have commited to you the reader to be completely authentic, it seems wrong to boost you with stories of my angels singing when quite frankly right now, I can’t even hear them quietly humming to me.

I will always be the hairapist who gives one hundred and fifty percent to the person in my chair.  But, the reality is, when I am not behind the chair, I am human.  I face my own struggles.  And even though I am strong, there are times where I feel like the weight of the world is just more than I can bare.  I felt Carol’s pain yesterday because I was going through my own pain.  And, I believe together, we helped each other.  She reminded me it is okay to let it out when things get tough.  And, if we are going to feel pure joy, there has to be a time where we feel the pain of life too.

As I sit here sipping my morning cup of coffee, I am reminded today is a new day.  Though the painful situation is still there and I am not ready to talk about it, I will acknowledge the pain, and tuck it somewhere deep within in order to do my job.  I will continue to give my all to my clients, my family and my friends.  And, with faith, I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.  Tears are okay.  What follows after the biggest storms?  A rainbow.  No matter how long it takes, I will get through this.  And, so will Carol.  And whatever you might be facing, you too will get through it.  Even when it doesn’t feel like it, we are never truly alone.  I know my angels never stop singing.  I need to listen a little closer.

What about you?  What are you facing right now?  Do you have the heavy weight of adversity on you?  This too shall pass, right?

Believe. 

I can't.

I have a major case of the “I can’ts”.  You know what I mean.  The days where you “can’t” do anything you need or want to do.  I can’t workout because I am too tired.  I can’t get enough sleep because of a teething baby.  I can’t lose weight because I don’t have time to make healthy meals today.  I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

Now, normally, I am a go getter.  I am the girl who decides to workout and I go for it.  I decide I am going to eat right, and suddenly I am a culinary mastermind of gluten free recipes.  So what the heck has happened?

Life happened.  And, some days, if I could I would just say “FORGET IT” and crawl under the covers and go back to bed and forget the world was going on right outside my window.  It’s not “I can’t”.  It is the three year old in me, throwing myself on the ground and having a temper tantrum because things aren’t going my way.  I had a plan!  I was going to sleep 8 hours last night.  I was going to workout this morning.  I was going to make a day’s worth of healthy snacks for work.  People, NONE of that has happened.  I was up all night with a baby who is either teething or possessed.  I am now running on three hours of sleep and the treadmill seems like a mountain I am not willing or capable of climbing.  And meals?  HA!  I just sat here with a baby on my chest, coffee next to me and a donut (okay, two) inhaled while barely chewing.  

It’s not “I can’t”.  It’s just life.  And today, it is kicking my butt.  And well, yesterday it kicked my butt too.  So, I am going to let my inner three year old have a tantrum of “I don’t wanna’s” and I am then going to pick myself up and dust myself off.  And, I guess I am going to keep on keeping on. 

We don’t get a say in what happens around us.  We can plan all we want.  I am a master planner!  The thing is, most times, things don’t go according to my plans.  And today, I am going to tell myself I am okay with that.  It doesn’t mean I have failed.  It simply means it isn’t up to me.  I am a mere player in a bigger game called life.  I can either slap a smile on my face, and do the best I can, or I can let it get to me.  Who suffers if I pull the covers up over my head anyway? 

I will be heading to work shortly.  On three hours of sleep.  And, all the while wondering how my baby is doing.  And, reminding myself of the overwhelming piles of laundry and dishes.  I’ll probably go to work with a protein shake and a coffee.   Today, that will have to do.  And the silver lining (because there has to be one) will be every head of hair this hairapist gets to transform.  And, for every little thing bothering me, there is something so much bigger going on for someone else in the world.  Who knows.  Maybe the someone else will be in my chair.  Maybe, just maybe, I am needed today for something greater.  Workout or not, I am going to roll with it.  And, I am going to let the angels sing.  And today, I might ask them to carry me through my day too.

So what is your burden today?  Have you asked your angels to carry you through?

Believe.  I do.

Patience. Right. Now.

Sally was once a close friend of mine.  Over the years we have drifted apart.  I don’t think it was one circumstance pulling us apart but rather our paths took different directions.  She is still a client of mine.  She is a “right now” kind of girl.  Whether it is the latest pair of shoes or the newest purse from Coach, she HAS to have it.  Now, when I say she has to have it, I don’t mean, she saves up and waits till it is on sale.  I mean, come hell or high water, she will be out the very day she sees it and buy it.  Okay, impulsive would be a great word.

Now, most hairdressers would read this and think “she must have amazing hair”.  WRONG.  She is a dark brunette who wants long platinum blonde.  Yesterday.  I have tried having the “come to Jesus” talk with her.  This talk only happens when things are really serious.  When I feel like I have tried every other way, I resort to sitting in front of the client and bluntly spelling it out for them.  You are not Kim Kardashian.  You are not Jennifer Aniston.  And, the rules are the rules of hair no matter who you are.  You can’t go from almost black hair to blonde (when you have been pulling color through your ends for years) in a day.  It takes TIME.  And it isn’t on YOUR time.  It is a process.

Sally came in the other day and said, “My husband doesn’t think I am blonde enough.  Do whatever you have to!”  And with a deep sigh, I told her the same thing I have told her for months…no wait, years now (because we have been through this before).  It goes something like this. Me: “You want long hair right?”  Sally: “Yes, but I WANT blonde.  And my husband likes me blonde.  Like Penny blonde.  I want my hair like hers.”  Me:  “You are not Penny.  If your husband wanted a blonde as light as Penny, he probably should have married one (yes I said it.) Please be patient.  I told you I will get you as light as possible but if we do it the way you are wanting to do it, it is going to end up with your hair on the floor.  And you will be sporting a cute pixie.”  Sally “Just do it.  I don’t care.  I want it blonder.  And if I have to cut it, oh well.”  Yea, riggggght.  After many of these conversations, I finally decided because I have known Sally for so long, and she wasn’t listening, and things had to be on her time, I couldn’t fight that battle anymore.  I had made it very clear what was going to happen.  What more could I do?  Yes, I could refuse to do her hair, but because we have been friends for so long, I didn’t feel that was an option.

Sally left the salon last night with a very blonde, very cute chin length bob.  We had to cut about 8 inches off.   I do have to say, it looked amazing.  But, the last thing she wanted was short hair.  Aaaand, well, I don’t mind being right every once in awhile.

How many times have we asked the angels to sing on our time?  How many times have we insisted on an answer to our “problem” RIGHT. NOW.  It may not end up with our hair on the floor, but did it end up in another challenge we might have avoided had we given things time to unfold naturally?

One of my favorite sayings is “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair.  It passes the time, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”  I encourage you to ask your angels to sing.  To listen for them.  And most of all, to be patient.  After all, it isn’t REALLY on our time.

Believe.

Adversity

As some of you may know, I am on a mission to better my personal health.  I have struggled for several years now with an autoimmune disease.  The symptoms range in severity and aren’t constant.  But, I never know when I will be hit with a flare.  These flares make work much more difficult.  Sometimes, when I wake up and feel the pain, I wonder if I am going to be able to continue doing what I love for much longer.  Yikes.  So, I joined a gym, hired a personal trainer and renewed my commitment to myself.  I refuse to allow this “disease” to take me from what I have worked so hard for.  My passion and one of the things I look forward to doing every day.

Now where in the heck does a mom of four have time to work out?  Yea, I really don’t.  But, I need to be a priority.  So, I am up at 5:30 am, six days a week to work on me.  During this time, I start on the treadmill and I usually listen to an audio book.  And, if it’s a really good book, I find myself listening to it in the car and any spare second I can.   Currently, I am listening to Iyanla Vanzant.  She is a spiritual advisor, life coach and author.  I have always wondered how people come to a place where they are able to advise other people on how to live and be happy.  By listening to her book, I am realizing exactly how this happens.  She has been through HELL and back!  No joke.  I find myself sitting in the car unable to control the tears as I listen to her story.  Abuse, neglect.  A legacy of pain which started well before she was even born.  And, somehow, she has risen above it all and her angels are singing.  Through her own personal adversity, she helps others recognize and listen to their angels singing.

I believe there are two kinds of people.  There are the people who take their struggles and personal adversity and they turn it into a reflection.  A life lesson.  And they allow themselves to feel the pain at the deepest center of themselves.  Then, they turn it over to a source greater than themselves.  Pick up, dust their knees off and keep on going.

Then there are those who stay on their knees.  And, fixate on the hurt.  They find some sort of comfort in the pain.  But is it really easier to sit in your stuff?

I have a sweet little 8 month old baby who is trying to learn how to crawl.  She scoots backwards on the floor, stuffing herself uncomfortably under the furniture.  She gets so mad!  She will whine and fuss till someone comes and rescues her.  And then, we sit her in the middle of the floor and start the process over again.  She doesn’t give up.  She instinctively keeps on going.  Where do we lose this drive?  The determination to crawl before we walk?  And more importantly, the belief in ourselves we CAN do it!

I have a client who we will call Vicky.  Vicky has been a client of mine for a long time.  She is a beautiful older woman.  Dresses nice.  Cute haircut, (of course).  She always comes in looking poised and put together.  Vicky is miserable.  She is on a course of self destruction.  She finds something upsetting about every aspect of her life.  In her mind, she is a victim in every way.  Now, as I have told you before, the hairapist in me wants to do more than just give her a great cut and color.  But, over the years, I have found her misery has increased and her self worth has decreased.  For a hairapist, this is heartbreaking.  I desperately long to help Vicky.  I want her to hear her angels sing.  I want to tell her it is all in her.  I want to help.  But, the reality is, she is unwilling to see the problem.  And so, Vicky walks around with a great cut, cute clothes and makeup and a giant chip on her shoulder.  Instead of trying to talk her through it like I used to, I pray for her.  I pray she will find peace and I pray she will at some point hear her angels singing. 

Are you holding yourself back from hearing your angels sing?  Are you going through something today, this week, this month that is so much greater than you it is almost unbearable?  Are you going to stuff yourself under the furniture and whine?  Or are you going to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try to figure out the life lesson?

I promise you, your angels are singing.  Do you hear them?

Believe.

The Ponytail

If you are someone who knows me well, you probably already know much of what I am going to say on this subject.  The ponytail is not something I take lightly.  I think it is great if you are working out, cleaning house, taking care of your kids, etc..  But, the reality is, if you are the one watching the ponytail walk down the street, you will know it looks like exactly what it is named after.  A horse’s a@#!  Why this look has become something some women wear 80 percent of the time so they can avoid the fact they have no desire to cut the long mane into a fashionable style is beyond me. 

Brenda is a client I have had for a very long time.  She has been growing her hair out since the day I met her.  She has a beautiful cut.  Okay, I did the cut so I might be a little biased.  BUT, she has this long layered cut and her hair is gorgeous.  Problem is, every time I see her around town at the grocery store or at a social event…yep, you guessed it.  A ponytail. 

Now in my mind, when I send a client out the door with this amazing new look and a blowout to die for, I picture them waking up every day and walking out of the house looking like that.  The reality is, we all have to live our lives and some days, that doesn’t include “doing” our hair.  But if you are walking around with a ponytail (aka horse’s “beep”) MOST of the time, it may be time to evaluate your hair situation.  Maybe you need a new ‘do.

Doesn’t this apply to life?  What else are you stuck in a rut with?  Are you getting out of bed every morning and doing the same thing just because?  Maybe it isn’t a ponytail.  Maybe it is the same clothing you have been wearing for years.  The yoga pants, have gone from a nice black to a greenish tinged mess with a couple holes here and there.  Or maybe it is more than that.  Maybe you are waking up to the same job…that you HATE. 

I call this syndrome “the-kid-in-the-corner”.  It is the kid in the corner of the room complaining he/she is overweight and eating donuts while saying it.  Why complain if you are unwilling to make the change?!  The people around you get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again when you do nothing to try and make the move toward your own personal happiness.  Most times it isn’t because of the complaining but rather because they care.  Doesn’t everyone deserve to have some happiness?

So, if you are sitting here reading this with your hair piled high in a ponytail and realize you have been wearing said ponytail longer than you can remember wearing it down.  Please.  Make a move.  A fresh cut.  A new style.  A renewed you.

And remember, it might not be the ponytail for you.  Whatever it is, be brave enough to make a change and get out of your comfort zone.  You never know what might be waiting for you.

Believe.

The Power of Assuming

Pearl had been a client of mine for about a year when she just disappeared.  I have other clients who are friends with her and when I asked what happened to her, I was told she had another baby and was very busy.  Now Pearl was driving quite a distance to see me, so I assumed this excuse was legit but in the back of my mind was still a little doubt.  Was she not happy with her highlights?  I rarely lose a client.  What could I have done?  Maybe she wasn’t happy with her last service.  Maybe I said something she didn’t like.  Were my prices too much for her?

Linda was a close friend for a long time.  And though she was much younger than I was, we clicked immediately.  I felt like I had another sister.  She was there for me as if she was brought into my life at exactly the right time.  And then, I got pregnant and we drifted apart.  Did I do something?  Did she not want me in her life anymore?  What happened?  And, of course I assumed the worst.  And, because I was assuming the worst, I didn’t get in touch with her because the thought of what it might be was not something I wanted to face.

Sound familiar?

Why do we assume the worst?  And, even if it is the worst case scenario, wouldn’t it be better to know?  Too many times when faced with something where we can’t fill in the blanks, we fill them in for ourselves.  And, many times what we assume isn’t what really IS at all.

I believe people come into our lives in a season.  Whether it is a client in my chair or a friend who I meet at just the “right” time, I need them.   Or, maybe they even need me.  And then, many times, due to circumstances life puts in front of us, we go our separate ways.  Does there always have to be some conflict making it an uncomfortable separation?  After all, we weren’t married.  We didn’t have a fight.  We didn’t have words and then walk away feeling the pain of a broken relationship.  It’s life.  And, for every season, we are presented with the people we need to teach us the lessons of our lives.  So, instead of feeling guilty that our lives didn’t continue to follow the same path, what about embracing our own path and wishing them well on theirs?  No drama, just peace.  And gratitude for the season we shared together.

Pearl came back to me.  She was in my chair just yesterday.  She has four kids now just like me.  We had so much to catch up on.  And she explained how difficult it was to get childcare to come and see me.  She told me how much she has missed my services and conversation.  She brought pictures of her hair during the time I used to do it and said she wants to get back to that look.  WOHOO! 

I reached out to Linda because I couldn’t shake the feeling maybe I had done something to offend her.  We exchanged messages and chalked it up to a misunderstanding.  She is in a different phase in her life than I am now.  But, she is happy.  And accomplishing the goals she always talked about.  I am at peace because now I know instead of wondering at the back of my mind what happened.

Life is too short to assume we know it all.  And though the struggles we are experiencing may not be the same as someone else’s, we all have struggles.  I think I am going to try assuming less and reaching out more.  What have you been assuming about another?  Have you thought to reach out?

Believe.

Kindness

Many times when a new client visits me for the first time, they are somewhat taken aback.  Now, when I say this, I am sure Penny is laughing.  I am very passionate about hair.  And, I am my authentic hairapist self from the first moment a new client walks in the door.  Yes, my mind is racing with all the ideas I have for them before they even speak.  But, even more importantly, I want to give them the best experience (or even best first experience) with a hairapist.  I give a thorough consultation.  I really want to know what YOU are all about.  It matters to me.  I want to make sure YOU are cared for in the best way possible.  And, I want it to show that I really do care.

So, my questions to you today are, why do we wait to be our authentic selves?  Or more importantly what are we waiting for?  Why is a hairapy session where someone is showing they really care an exception to the day to day life we live?

Many times, we wait.  We wait until someone is sick.  Really sick.  Or, until someone in their family is sick before we rally together as a community and show our authentic selves.  We wait until someone has passed before we say how much they meant to us.  Past tense.  Why my readers, why do we do this?!

This summer, a client and friend of mine who we will call Sarah found out her husband had cancer.  Sarah is an amazing woman inside and out.  She has three beautiful children and a hardworking, loving husband.  Sarah’s husband was diagnosed with cancer.  Though we don’t see each other every day, I really adore Sarah.  And, when I found out about her situation/crisis, I couldn’t rest until I did something to help her and her family.  Penny, like me, had this cute family weighing on her heart.  Together we organized a fundraiser to help with any needs they may have while Sarah’s husband went through treatment.  We were one of many.  The family was completely embraced with love and kindness from others through their time of need.  It was incredible to watch.  I have prayed for her and her family many times since the diagnosis.  The community rallied together and we were quite successful for such a small salon.

It is amazing to me how people will pull together to help a loved one or a person in the community when there is a crisis.  Why does it take something that turns another person’s world upside down for us to show our hearts to one another?  The excuse of being too busy is just that…an excuse.  Being busy means we might not have much time in our day but it doesn’t mean we can’t be kind to one another.

Now, I am not saying we should be like John Cusack in “Say Anything” and stand in front of the house of someone we love with a boombox (yea, I said it.  Do they even make those anymore?) proclaiming our love for them.  But, rather I am saying, we need to let down our guard just a little bit more and recognize no matter what we are going through personally, we are ALL going through something.  And, isn’t it a little bit easier to go through it when someone is kind to you? 

I have many days where one of my “regulars” will come in and they are dealing with the weight of their world before they come in the door.  The circumstances are always different but the feeling is the same.  They come in, sigh, and sit in the chair to get their hair washed.  I don’t take this step lightly.  Putting your hands on someone else’s head and washing their hair can be a very relaxing experience.  I make sure the water is just the right temperature and I take my time.  In those moments, I try not to talk too much (unless the client prefers conversation) and I watch as the person slowly melts into the chair.  Most times, if they let it, a peace takes over.  And, once the haircut starts, they are calmer and more relaxed.  It seems like such a small thing.  And, well, I guess it is.  But, what that small thing does is changes the environment.  It shifts that person’s energy.  They allow me to give them a more relaxing experience.  And, for alittle while, whatever troubles they have, are put aside, or talked about and they are cared for.

You may not be a hairapist, but YOU, my reader, have the power to be a game changer.  You have the ability to change the course of someone else’s mood or day.  Think about it.  When you are driving along the highway and someone cuts you off and you are ENRAGED that person just changed your commute to work a little, didn’t they?  So what if it were the opposite?  What if one little act of your authentic self was a game changer for someone else?

My first timers are overwhelmed most times.  My second timers are a little amused.  My regulars know this is who I am.  Show people who you are.  Do something kind before something “big” happens to another person you care about.  It takes one small act to allow someone to feel the kindness of the human spirit.  Somehow, it’s like the world has forgotten this.  We are more concerned with being right, or being angry or getting to where we need to be.  And, we are actually all suffering because of it.

Ellen Degeneres is one of my favorite people.  Okay, I haven’t actually met her (yet) but I love her energy.  At the end of every show, she says “Be kind to one another”.  Today, I am offering you the same advice.   And, I am also going to challenge you.  Tell someone today you love them.  You don’t have to do it in some extravagant way (the boombox), but  reach out “just because” not because of a crisis.  You never know when you might not have that opportunity again.

Believe.

Forgiveness

I had a client a few years back who we will call Jane.  Jane worked in the community and was fairly well known.  I met Jane through my oldest daughter.  She seemed polite but VERY GUARDED.  But, as only a hairapist would know, she needed MAJOR hairapy.  Now, when I meet someone, and they don’t have the best cut or color, I start looking into more than that.  I want to know this person.  I want to know what they are like socially, emotionally.  Yes people, I dig deep.  And, quite frankly, Jane had a major chip on her shoulder.  She was uptight and well, not the nicest person to sit in my chair. 

Now, some hairapists might look at Jane and think, “I CANNOT have that woman in my chair”.  I looked at Jane and thought two things: 1)  I can’t WAIT to fix her hair 2) I WILL break her down and figure out why she is the way she is!

And, so Jane started to become a regular.  A bossy regular.  She knew what she wanted and how I was to do it.  And, well, I was so taken aback, I let her run the show.  And anyone who knows me is reading this right now and saying “No. Way.”  But, it’s true.  I now had a client with ugly hair and I didn’t want anyone to know I did it.  And, on top of all of this, I had no idea how to get through to her.  Let’s just say MY plan wasn’t working out too well for me. 

A few months into the relationship, Jane and I started talking about different services and I suggested (subtly) that she try keratin (a smoothing treatment).  Her hair was out of control and I knew this would help.  The next time I saw Jane, she told me she had gone and gotten keratin at another “less expensive” salon.  From there, the relationship started on its downward spiral.  And I, being as passionate (okay, obsessive) as I am about hair, started to pull away.  I stopped trying.  And soon, Jane was emailing me for color formulas and asking if she could do her hair at home.  I could go on and on with the inappropriate behavior.  But, you get where I am going with this, right?  The woman was breaking every rule I had for myself and my business!  Color your hair at home?!  Go somewhere less expensive and I give you my color formula?  Do you want me to hand you my paycheck too?!

I spent months after ending the relationship stewing about it.  I was angry with Jane.  Why would she compromise me like this?  Why would she think her behavior was okay?  What the heck had I done to deserve this? 

And then, one day I realized, I didn’t have the energy to be angry with her anymore.  I was spending so much time fixating on her crazy wig of hair and desperately wanting to sass her up…and well, she didn’t want my help.  We weren’t on the same page.  And guess what?  I realized that’s okay.  And I forgave her.  I forgave her for being so insulting to me when sitting in my chair.  I forgave her for asking for her color formula.  I forgave her because I needed to heal and move on.  And, I realized there is a BIG difference between forgiving and forgetting.

Yes, you may be reading this and thinking “it’s just hair”!  But, is it really?  If someone is disrespectful of any part of your life or beliefs, don’t the same rules apply?  And isn’t it you who is hurting if you walk around angry all the time?

So, I am a work in progress.  I am a hairapist.  And you might be a teacher or a doctor or a lawyer or an author.  No matter what your title is, we all make mistakes.  And, we all deserve forgiveness.  Wouldn’t this world be a better place if everyone could find it in their hearts to forgive one another a little bit more and be angry a little bit less?

To all the “Janes” of my past I want to tell you, I forgive you.  And, I hope you in turn will forgive me too.

Believe.

My Truth

Penny and I rarely get time to do each other’s hair.  On that rare occasion when we do it is usually at an off hour.  We use that time to catch up on things.  It may be about client concerns, new ideas for education or rearranging and updating the salon.  And, sometimes, it gets personal.  Yesterday, it got personal.

We were talking about my blog.  And, somehow the conversation led into our past history and things we have been through in our lives.  Penny said she feels like I have lived a lifetime longer than she has and, well, she might be right.  One thing you need to know about Penny.  She is one of the sweetest and kindest, most genuine people I know.  She is a tough cookie on the outside but when she lets you in, you see how kind and compassionate she is underneath.  Penny always pays me the highest compliments.  I feel undeserving of these on so many levels.  She thinks I am some hair doing/ mom-of-four super hero.  I feel like I am a passionate wanna be super hero still searching for her cape.  I try not to let on to this, but the fact is, when the past is brought up, so is the source of all the insecurities.

I prayed when I started this blog for it to be an authentic me.  I wanted nothing to be taboo and I wanted to show who I am and hopefully, someone out there would be able to relate.  Talking to Penny made me realize, I can’t move forward until the voices of the past are quieted.  And, I have kept it in for way too long.

I was a child of privilege.  We lived in a big house and just like Penny thinks I am some superhero, my family was looked at as “that” family.  I felt my friends were envious of the house I lived in and the lifestyle I led.  As a preteen and teenager, money was no object.  But, little did they know how much I was suffering from within the walls of that house.  And, if I dare say anything, I was certain I would be looked at as both a liar and a spoiled brat.  (Well, that was what I was told I was, so why wouldn’t I believe it?)

For so many years, I thought the life I led was normal.  I was raised in a very devoutly religious home.  I thought the way things were in my home were because of the religion.  The lines for me as a child were very blurred.  Where did the strict rules of religion and the rules of our home start and end?  I had no idea.  And, I had no idea when I would be hit with vicious rants of verbal abuse for not being what I was “supposed” to be.  In my preteen and teenage years, I was called things that to this day, I have never been called by anyone else. My little sister would hide under the bed while I was brutally attacked with names like “slut” and “whore”.  It was so much more than this.  It was a mind game for me.  It was abuse, but I didn’t know it.  It was a quiet secret I have carried with me until today.  Sure I have taken moments in counseling to talk about it.  And, sometimes I have confided in my partner.  But never have I ever said the words, “I was a child who was verbally abused”.  Instead, I have let the tapes play over and over again in my head like a recording.  Sometimes the volume is turned up a little louder than others.  Sometimes, they are put on pause.  But, at times when I am feeling the weakest, it is like giant speakers at a concert are blaring right in my ears all the hurt from the past.

I have not made the best decisions in my life.  I am both a child of divorce and a mother of children who are victims of my poor choices.  I refuse to play the victim.  I made these choices based off of my knowledge of men.  I married a man the first time around just like my abuser.  I knew early on it was a situation I couldn’t stay in when the abuse became physical.  So I ran.  And I continued to run for many years.  From facing the past, facing the hurt and healing.

I was a mom who used to yell.  A lot.  I knew that was how things were handled right?  It wasn’t until a terrible altercation with my teenage daughter that I had the “aha” moment.  I was doing exactly what had been done to me.  It was so jolting to me, I was brought to my knees.  My neighbors, my husband, my ex husband all saw me “lose it”.  I was exactly what I had tried so hard not to be.  That was two and a half years ago.  I have not “lost it” since that day.  And, I vow not to ever do that again.

I believe many creative/artistic people use their talents as a way to heal.  When I am working with my clients and creating a new look, everything else melts away.  My “work” isn’t work for me.  It is a creative release.  Not only am I healing myself but I am making another look and feel better.

Through my job, I have formed some incredible relationships with my clients.  And, some of the clients I have become the closest to are the ones from the very religion I was raised in and had so many struggles with.  It isn’t until now, at 37 years old, I realize IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RELIGION.  I am so thankful for these people.  They have become some of my closest friends.  And, whether they realize it or not, they have been part of my healing process.

So, I guess my question to you is what are you running from?  And when is it finally going to be time to let it go to heal and move forward?  I hope you have an outlet like I do.  For me, it’s HAIRAPY.

Believe.

Your Crown

My job (as I see it) every day is to make women feel for just a few minutes or hours they are royalty.  I have them sit in front of a mirror while I do this and I try to convince them of all that is beautiful and wonderful about them.  And, somehow I am supposed to convince them this is all about their hair.  Really?
Now, I am not one to debate the importance of great hair.  I know how I feel with fresh color and a new cut.  Heck, I know how I feel these days if I can convince Penny to shampoo me.  It is the most amazing feeling!  Someone else is serving me for just a few minutes.  And, the feeling is one of complete relaxation.  And, most times, I feel like in that moment, I am important enough for someone to take the time to take care of ME.  Sound familiar?
I have a client whom we will call Janet.  Janet is on a quest to be the perfect blonde.  Now, I don't mean blonde like Penny.  Penny is in my opinion is an enhanced "natural" blonde.  We take her look and play up what was already meant to be there.  Her eyes sparkle a little more and her skin looks a little more porcelain with the shade of blonde we make her.  Janet, on the other hand, is trying to be the blonde she thinks she is supposed to be for her husband, for her status.  Frankly, I am not even sure she knows what she is shooting for.  I say this because Janet is naturally darker than the picture of me on my blog page.  And every four weeks, she is in my chair, pushing me to make her blonder, blonder blonder.  And, no matter how hard I try (and with the amazing products I use) that perfect Marilyn Monroe, Gwen Stefani, or whomever you want to compare her to just isn't happening in her eyes.    And, I leave the appointments questioning what more I could possibly do to help her on her journey.  The frustrating part of all of this?  It doesn't matter if I think it looks good or for her, it doesn't even matter if it is falling on the floor in broken pieces of "I told you so".  It matters that she leaves happy.  The worst part yet?  She isn't ever happy.  And, unfortunately it has nothing to do with the level of blonde.
So what is a hairapist to do with a client who doesn't listen?  It is my job as the hairdresser to try and get her to where she wants to be.  To listen to the idea she has running through her head and to try and make it happen.  It is my responsibility as her hairapist to understand this has nothing to do with her hair and everything to do with insecurities that lie much deeper than a few foils.
One of my favorite authors and spiritual leaders is Marianne Williamson.  She has been a inspiration to me since I was about 13.  I picked up a book of hers and it spoke to me.  This morning, while doing my early morning workout, I listened to one of her audiobooks.  She was talking about the power that women have and how we forget we have it.  How each one of us is walking around forgetting that we are naturally born as queens or goddesses.  And, the outside world taints this with three things:  Our past, our insecurities and pop culture.  DING DING DING!
Our past is the things we have experienced that lead us to believe that being a blonde will make us happy.  Our insecurities about our weight or our nose etc lead us to believe we "can't" have short hair or we "can't" go outside the comfort zone we have always known.  And pop culture leads us to believe if we don't look like the Kardashians or have body like a Victoria's Secret model, we aren't "enough".
If we spent more time building each other up as women instead of tearing each other down, what would the world be like?  Would Janet be more comfortable with listening to professional advice and getting caramel tones on her dark hair and gradually processing it without damage?  Would we stop worrying about the number on the scale and buy clothes that fit and be comfortable with a waste band that doesn't say size 0?  Would we be able to let down our walls of judgment toward each other and embrace each other as women?  Women who are all at different stages in our journey but don't have to journey alone.
So are you coming into the salon already wearing your crown or are you expecting someone else (me) to try and help put it on for you?  Because the sooner you realize you are already wearing that crown and I'm simply enhancing it, the more peaceful you will be.  And the more likely you are to enjoy the journey.

Self Talk

I swear I am not meant to post this morning.  I tried my computer and it is in the process of some incredible update.  And now I am using my daughter's computer and this is attempt two to stay on the page without it rerouting me somewhere else...but I digress.

I have been on a mission to get in shape.  I am working out six days a week.  I have hired a personal trainer and when I am not getting my butt kicked by him, I am alternating workouts at home and in the gym.  I would say I am a woman on a mission.  I am desperate to be healthy and toned and well, to lose the damn baby weight.  Eastyn is now 8 months old (March 5) and I am tired of the excuse "you just had a baby".  The fact is, I was sitting in front of the tv every night snacking with my husband.  It had nothing to do with the baby. 
I went to the doctor the other day and well, let's just say it deflated my balloon.  I walk in feeling like I am going to get some time with my doctor to answer some questions and I forgot all about the step BEFORE you get to actually see the doctor.  The medical assistant comes out, greets you and then immediately jumps to "Would you please step on the scale?"  Now, for anyone battling weight loss this is the equivalent of being told to stand naked in a room full of people.  It SUCKS.  It especially sucks when you have been working out, eating right and doing what you are "supposed" to do instead of indulging in a pint of Ben and Jerry's coffee heath bar ice cream.  And, then you finally see the doc only to be asked what is going on because you have gained SIX pounds since your last appointment!  WHAT. THE. HELL.  After me telling her (sarcastically) I kindof wanted to punch her in the face (we have that kind of relationship), I held in tears til I got to the car and then proceeded to cry THE ENTIRE WAY HOME.  I mean, ugly cry.  The kind of cry like the my pet just died.  I was devastated.  I proceeded after this ugly cry to then beat myself up with self loathing talk.  "I am so fat.  What is wrong with me?  Why can't I lose the weight?  I should just go and eat a cheeseburger.  Screw it, I'm eating the Ben and Jerry's tonight."  I could go on and on but you get the idea right?

There are so many times where a client gets in my chair and because of the same sort of self talk, he or she is convinced they CAN'T try something new.  "My face is too fat.  I can't do short hair."  "My forehead will look too big with bangs." "I CAN'T go dark.  I have been blonde my whole life."  "My husband won't like it if I change my hair."  "I NEED to be able to put it up in a ponytail" (probably one of my favorites.
So, the real questions are why do we do this to ourselves and are we going to cave to it?  What if I gave up working out now and sat down and ate that Ben and Jerry's?  Would that really be what would make me feel better about myself?  Or what if I got on the treadmill and forgot about what the doctor said and just focused on today and what makes me feel good?  Working up a sweat and taking care of myself by eating right?
What if you are standing in your own way?  What if your self talk is keeping you from something new that would make you look and feel a few years younger?  Or bring out your eyes?  What if the self talk you are repeating over and over again about the ponytail or the blonde highlights or the long hair down to your butt is really you using your hair as a security blanket?  What if you are doing the same thing you have been doing all your life simply because it is all you know and it is what's comfortable? 
I have decided to get out of my comfort zone.  I finished my early morning workout today with a renewed sense of self.  It doesn't matter right now what the scale says.  It matters that I am healthy and trying something new to better myself. 
I encourage you as your hairapist to try something new.  It doesn't have to be short hair and it doesn't have to be extreme.  But maybe those bangs you have been thinking about are the first step toward a new look that will make your blue eyes stand out.  Or maybe going a little lighter or darker with your color is a way to perk yourself up out of the winter blues.
Whatever it is, get out of your own head.  You could be the very thing standing in your own way from something even greater than what already is.
Believe.