The Plan

Being a mother of four, it takes major planning to get a kid free weekend.  Usually, the entire week before the weekend, there is anticipation of the time off.  I work a little more so I can enjoy my break.  And, right now I am making it sound like these breaks happen regularly.  The truth is, I haven’t had a break in a few years now.  So, the idea of leaving four kids and being in a cabin in the middle of nowhere was greatly anticipated.  No specific time to wake up.  No breakfast to cook for anyone.  No responsibilities.  I didn’t care about cold weather, possible snow, or the drive to and from.  I was feeling like a Calgon commercial from the 80’s. (“Take me away!”)  And then it happened.

Little one has strep throat for the first time.  And, understandably so, no one is going to want to keep a fussy baby while we run away from our responsibilities.  Let’s face it, when a child is sick, it takes everything in the parent to continue to run on empty.  Sleepless nights, excessive crying.  I can’t sell someone else on the idea of a glamorous weekend with a child I can hardly handle.

And, so I get angry.  WHY ME?  It is again so childish.  My inner three year old, throwing one of her tantrums again.  Embarassingly, I have been internally having these tantrums quite frequently lately.  And, the way it displays itself is in a short tempered mom who likes to mutter words under her breath that shouldn’t be put in a blog.  I am bitter and angry.  (Doesn’t this make you want to call me up and hang out?   Not.)

I woke up this morning now with a scratchy throat and the hopes it isn’t the same thing the baby has.  I am going to put on my workout clothes and hope it motivates me to sweat out the bitter today.  While I work out, I am going to remind myself I am not in control.  Life happens, right?  It amazes me at 37 years old, I somehow still seem to think I am in charge.  And, if I push everyone hard enough, things will fall into place the way I think they should.  If I just plan enough, everything will work out.  Uh, yea…not so much.

Instead of planning today, I am going to take it minute by minute.  Not even hour by hour.  I am going to accept this weekend is not going to be what I thought it was.  And, I am going to embrace whatever it is supposed to be.  Clearly, there is a lesson the angels have for me.  Though it doesn’t involve a weekend getaway, I have decided I am going to listen.  And embrace it.  After all, babies aren't little forever.  Maybe I am supposed to hold mine a little closer this weekend.  

Believe.

I can't.

I have a major case of the “I can’ts”.  You know what I mean.  The days where you “can’t” do anything you need or want to do.  I can’t workout because I am too tired.  I can’t get enough sleep because of a teething baby.  I can’t lose weight because I don’t have time to make healthy meals today.  I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

Now, normally, I am a go getter.  I am the girl who decides to workout and I go for it.  I decide I am going to eat right, and suddenly I am a culinary mastermind of gluten free recipes.  So what the heck has happened?

Life happened.  And, some days, if I could I would just say “FORGET IT” and crawl under the covers and go back to bed and forget the world was going on right outside my window.  It’s not “I can’t”.  It is the three year old in me, throwing myself on the ground and having a temper tantrum because things aren’t going my way.  I had a plan!  I was going to sleep 8 hours last night.  I was going to workout this morning.  I was going to make a day’s worth of healthy snacks for work.  People, NONE of that has happened.  I was up all night with a baby who is either teething or possessed.  I am now running on three hours of sleep and the treadmill seems like a mountain I am not willing or capable of climbing.  And meals?  HA!  I just sat here with a baby on my chest, coffee next to me and a donut (okay, two) inhaled while barely chewing.  

It’s not “I can’t”.  It’s just life.  And today, it is kicking my butt.  And well, yesterday it kicked my butt too.  So, I am going to let my inner three year old have a tantrum of “I don’t wanna’s” and I am then going to pick myself up and dust myself off.  And, I guess I am going to keep on keeping on. 

We don’t get a say in what happens around us.  We can plan all we want.  I am a master planner!  The thing is, most times, things don’t go according to my plans.  And today, I am going to tell myself I am okay with that.  It doesn’t mean I have failed.  It simply means it isn’t up to me.  I am a mere player in a bigger game called life.  I can either slap a smile on my face, and do the best I can, or I can let it get to me.  Who suffers if I pull the covers up over my head anyway? 

I will be heading to work shortly.  On three hours of sleep.  And, all the while wondering how my baby is doing.  And, reminding myself of the overwhelming piles of laundry and dishes.  I’ll probably go to work with a protein shake and a coffee.   Today, that will have to do.  And the silver lining (because there has to be one) will be every head of hair this hairapist gets to transform.  And, for every little thing bothering me, there is something so much bigger going on for someone else in the world.  Who knows.  Maybe the someone else will be in my chair.  Maybe, just maybe, I am needed today for something greater.  Workout or not, I am going to roll with it.  And, I am going to let the angels sing.  And today, I might ask them to carry me through my day too.

So what is your burden today?  Have you asked your angels to carry you through?

Believe.  I do.

Bosom Friends

“A bosom friend–an intimate friend, you know–a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul.”- Anne of Green Gables

It is rare to meet someone and know almost instantly, you were meant to know them.  I have a few people like this in my life.  And, during the really tough times, I appreciate them the most.

A hairapist is usually listening to the troubles of others.  Whether it’s about hair or life, we try hard to take it all in and help where we can.  And, then there are those times, when we are burdened with our own “stuff” and need a person to hear our woes.  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  And one of my dear friends listened to me cry and helped me through.

I believe sometimes, our angels are singing and we are too caught up in feeling the bad stuff in life to hear the good.  And, in these times, it’s the support and love of those around us we trust who help us stop and listen.  And a simple phone call was all it took for me.  Crazy to think I can have another person on the end of the phone and as we talk, the angels start to sing.  And, I know she heard them too.

Peace doesn’t come from having all the answers.  Peace comes from asking for help, and then turning it over to a power greater than ourselves.  Most of the things in life we face that bring us to our knees are so much easier to carry with the help of a “bosom friend”.  So, today, I am thankful for my dear friend who helped me yesterday.  And for the many friends in days past who have been there for me regardless of the circumstances.  After all, we are all in this together.  On some level, we are all connected.  Some more closely than others, but when we are suffering, it is never alone.

Who are you thankful for today?

Believe.

The Longest Winter. Ever.

This has been THE LONGEST WINTER EVER.  Really.  I don’t think I saw this much snow when I lived at the base of the mountains in Utah.  I feel like mother nature is the enemy.  She doesn’t want me to see clients, run errands, and she definitely thinks me being within four walls with four kids for days on end is a good idea.  If she were a person, I have thoughts of punching her in the face.  I mean, she obviously doesn’t care I have things to do.  And, thoughts of those things run through my mind endlessly because I am anticipating her throwing another storm at me.  So, I won’t be cutting hair or running to Target for the 100^th time.  She is so rude.

When I got the recording from the school this morning, (I now know it by heart), I tearfully cursed under my breath and realized I will be in the same situation I have been in way too many times this year.  No session with the personal trainer today.  No doctor’s appointments or dental appointments.  All the running around for kids I have been dreading all weekend.

Then I stopped.  Why on Earth would I curse this mother nature chick for giving me exactly what I needed?  A day at home with four of the most amazing people in my life.  A baby who has just started to crawl.  (Everywhere).  A teenager who will soon be graduating in just a few short months.  And two boys who make me laugh daily. 

So, Miss Mother Nature,  I am going to give you this one.  I am going to embrace what will probably be the last snow day of the year.  I am going to let the day be what it is supposed to be.  A day with my favorite people.  A day of rest.  A day to embrace the little things I miss on a day to day basis.  I am going to thank you for making me stop today.  And, most importantly, while I am out shoveling the driveway I am going to thank you for the extra workout I will get this week.

To all of my facebook peeps, is complaining about it really going to do anything?  Nah.  So, Justin Berk, I am going to let you have this one.  Though I don’t have “faith in the flakes” as you want me to, I do have faith that today I am exactly where I am meant to be.  And, I’m pretty sure, I just heard those angels singing.

Believe.

Patience. Right. Now.

Sally was once a close friend of mine.  Over the years we have drifted apart.  I don’t think it was one circumstance pulling us apart but rather our paths took different directions.  She is still a client of mine.  She is a “right now” kind of girl.  Whether it is the latest pair of shoes or the newest purse from Coach, she HAS to have it.  Now, when I say she has to have it, I don’t mean, she saves up and waits till it is on sale.  I mean, come hell or high water, she will be out the very day she sees it and buy it.  Okay, impulsive would be a great word.

Now, most hairdressers would read this and think “she must have amazing hair”.  WRONG.  She is a dark brunette who wants long platinum blonde.  Yesterday.  I have tried having the “come to Jesus” talk with her.  This talk only happens when things are really serious.  When I feel like I have tried every other way, I resort to sitting in front of the client and bluntly spelling it out for them.  You are not Kim Kardashian.  You are not Jennifer Aniston.  And, the rules are the rules of hair no matter who you are.  You can’t go from almost black hair to blonde (when you have been pulling color through your ends for years) in a day.  It takes TIME.  And it isn’t on YOUR time.  It is a process.

Sally came in the other day and said, “My husband doesn’t think I am blonde enough.  Do whatever you have to!”  And with a deep sigh, I told her the same thing I have told her for months…no wait, years now (because we have been through this before).  It goes something like this. Me: “You want long hair right?”  Sally: “Yes, but I WANT blonde.  And my husband likes me blonde.  Like Penny blonde.  I want my hair like hers.”  Me:  “You are not Penny.  If your husband wanted a blonde as light as Penny, he probably should have married one (yes I said it.) Please be patient.  I told you I will get you as light as possible but if we do it the way you are wanting to do it, it is going to end up with your hair on the floor.  And you will be sporting a cute pixie.”  Sally “Just do it.  I don’t care.  I want it blonder.  And if I have to cut it, oh well.”  Yea, riggggght.  After many of these conversations, I finally decided because I have known Sally for so long, and she wasn’t listening, and things had to be on her time, I couldn’t fight that battle anymore.  I had made it very clear what was going to happen.  What more could I do?  Yes, I could refuse to do her hair, but because we have been friends for so long, I didn’t feel that was an option.

Sally left the salon last night with a very blonde, very cute chin length bob.  We had to cut about 8 inches off.   I do have to say, it looked amazing.  But, the last thing she wanted was short hair.  Aaaand, well, I don’t mind being right every once in awhile.

How many times have we asked the angels to sing on our time?  How many times have we insisted on an answer to our “problem” RIGHT. NOW.  It may not end up with our hair on the floor, but did it end up in another challenge we might have avoided had we given things time to unfold naturally?

One of my favorite sayings is “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair.  It passes the time, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”  I encourage you to ask your angels to sing.  To listen for them.  And most of all, to be patient.  After all, it isn’t REALLY on our time.

Believe.

Adversity

As some of you may know, I am on a mission to better my personal health.  I have struggled for several years now with an autoimmune disease.  The symptoms range in severity and aren’t constant.  But, I never know when I will be hit with a flare.  These flares make work much more difficult.  Sometimes, when I wake up and feel the pain, I wonder if I am going to be able to continue doing what I love for much longer.  Yikes.  So, I joined a gym, hired a personal trainer and renewed my commitment to myself.  I refuse to allow this “disease” to take me from what I have worked so hard for.  My passion and one of the things I look forward to doing every day.

Now where in the heck does a mom of four have time to work out?  Yea, I really don’t.  But, I need to be a priority.  So, I am up at 5:30 am, six days a week to work on me.  During this time, I start on the treadmill and I usually listen to an audio book.  And, if it’s a really good book, I find myself listening to it in the car and any spare second I can.   Currently, I am listening to Iyanla Vanzant.  She is a spiritual advisor, life coach and author.  I have always wondered how people come to a place where they are able to advise other people on how to live and be happy.  By listening to her book, I am realizing exactly how this happens.  She has been through HELL and back!  No joke.  I find myself sitting in the car unable to control the tears as I listen to her story.  Abuse, neglect.  A legacy of pain which started well before she was even born.  And, somehow, she has risen above it all and her angels are singing.  Through her own personal adversity, she helps others recognize and listen to their angels singing.

I believe there are two kinds of people.  There are the people who take their struggles and personal adversity and they turn it into a reflection.  A life lesson.  And they allow themselves to feel the pain at the deepest center of themselves.  Then, they turn it over to a source greater than themselves.  Pick up, dust their knees off and keep on going.

Then there are those who stay on their knees.  And, fixate on the hurt.  They find some sort of comfort in the pain.  But is it really easier to sit in your stuff?

I have a sweet little 8 month old baby who is trying to learn how to crawl.  She scoots backwards on the floor, stuffing herself uncomfortably under the furniture.  She gets so mad!  She will whine and fuss till someone comes and rescues her.  And then, we sit her in the middle of the floor and start the process over again.  She doesn’t give up.  She instinctively keeps on going.  Where do we lose this drive?  The determination to crawl before we walk?  And more importantly, the belief in ourselves we CAN do it!

I have a client who we will call Vicky.  Vicky has been a client of mine for a long time.  She is a beautiful older woman.  Dresses nice.  Cute haircut, (of course).  She always comes in looking poised and put together.  Vicky is miserable.  She is on a course of self destruction.  She finds something upsetting about every aspect of her life.  In her mind, she is a victim in every way.  Now, as I have told you before, the hairapist in me wants to do more than just give her a great cut and color.  But, over the years, I have found her misery has increased and her self worth has decreased.  For a hairapist, this is heartbreaking.  I desperately long to help Vicky.  I want her to hear her angels sing.  I want to tell her it is all in her.  I want to help.  But, the reality is, she is unwilling to see the problem.  And so, Vicky walks around with a great cut, cute clothes and makeup and a giant chip on her shoulder.  Instead of trying to talk her through it like I used to, I pray for her.  I pray she will find peace and I pray she will at some point hear her angels singing. 

Are you holding yourself back from hearing your angels sing?  Are you going through something today, this week, this month that is so much greater than you it is almost unbearable?  Are you going to stuff yourself under the furniture and whine?  Or are you going to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try to figure out the life lesson?

I promise you, your angels are singing.  Do you hear them?

Believe.

Football

Being a mother of four, my life is very busy.  I spend so much time in the salon but I spend even more time with four of the most amazing little people in the world.  And, though this blog is about “hairapy”, if you haven’t caught on yet, it’s about life.  And sometimes, the biggest lessons are from the little people.

My 12 year old son is passionate about football.  He has had a coach and a team for outdoor football he has connected with and formed a bond for the past three years.  So, I was surprised this year when he said he wanted to try indoor.  Though I knew he was a pretty good player, I felt much of his passion came from the familiarity of his teammates.  These kids have a bond.  And, because my son is one of the older players on the team, he makes the effort to be a leader when out on the field.

I had major reservations (and still do) about indoor football.  The setting is completely different.  It is no longer about weight limits and teamwork.  It is based on age regardless of the size of the kids.  And, what I thought would be a fun rec sport has become a series of nights with many complaints of an aching body and the bruises to show it.  I know, I know, I sound like the overprotective mom.  Hey guess what?  I probably am.  But, even through the complaining, he has continued to get in the practices and many times his 113 pound frame is put up against a teammate who is at least 50 to 70 pounds heavier.

It’s been two weeks.  And, the bruises are getting a little darker.  So, the mom in me couldn’t take it anymore.  I sat him down and asked him if he wanted to continue.  Now, I wasn’t saying “take the easy way out and quit” but rather, did we get in over our heads? (Yes, we.)  He was adamant about finishing out the season.  “No Mom, I want to keep playing.  It will toughen me up for outdoor.”  “But, bud, I am worried about how big these kids are next to you.  It just seems crazy to me to have you getting so beat up at practice and you haven’t even had a game yet.” “Yea, I know Mom.  But it will make me a better player.  And at least I get the ball.”  “Are you going to want to do this again next year?” “Heck no.  But I am going to finish what I started.”

I have been thinking about this for the past two days since we had our talk.  Here is this young kid, loving a sport so much, and yet he is in over his head.  And he is going to keep going and finish out the season.  How many times have we “quit” or given up when the going gets tough?  The circumstances aren’t what we thought we signed up for.  Do we bail?  Or do we make the best of it and let the life lesson make us a better person for the next season?

Little people continue to amaze me.

Believe.