When I tell you this family is on overload, I am not exaggerating. We are definitely being tested in every way possible. I remember a few short months ago, as I was starting my journey with blogging, thinking about what might be ahead of me. I felt like I was meant to do "something more". I meditated and prayed about it daily. I thought my angels were trying to let me know I was needed in some other way than just my day to day routine. I was ready for whatever it was. I guess I was not specific enough in my prayers because I had NO idea what I was about to be hit with. And, I am sure this is how it is for most people when they are hit with many big things all at once.
I was at work this past week when I got the word my youngest son was in an accident. Without getting into too many details of it, we have been in a helicopter, spent a few nights in the hospital and he has had surgery to repair a broken femur. He is home and recovering and we are finally getting the added medical attention we need at home to function and help him heal. This mom is now taking a deep breath, letting it all sink in and recognizing how "lucky" we are and how much worse it could have been. I believe the word would be gratitude.
So, I have headed back to work. Because as all small business owners know, you aren't getting paid if you aren't working. I have every intention when I head into work to give my all to everyone who comes through the door. But, I am human. And, sometimes I fall short due to the distractions of my other roles. Namely, being a mom. I believe I needed a reminder of the need for a separation of home and work. And, I have taken this lesson to heart and am going to make a conscious effort to pull it together. The reality of life is, when we get hit with "stuff", it is usually a bunch of stuff all at once. I tend to use the term s@#$ storm. It seems like the only appropriate description of what happens when one is slammed with life's challenges all at once and it all comes at you so fast, it hits like a tornado.
During these times, it is so easy to be negative. And even more so, to be angry. I have been angrier than I think I have ever been. I have focused on the loss of friendships, the lack of support from people I thought "should" be there. I have been filled with resentment and hurt. I have painted myself the victim and made "them" the offender. Plain and simple. I have been pissed at the world. I have suppressed the anger and put on a happy face all the while holding in the giant ball of anger in my gut. And while it has been eating away at me, I have played the blame game.
As I got done a rather stressful and intense day at work yesterday I had a little bit of time to reflect. I was peaceful all day even through the next phase of the storm. I had clients ask about my son and his condition along with other things that might trigger a string of negativity and I was cool as a cucumber. As I got in the car and thought about my day, I was shocked at how calm I had been.
I was calm because I realized for the first time in the last couple of months that I am not the only one in a storm of chaos and stress. Yes, simple concept, I know. And yet, the intense level of stress has caused me to pull into a shell and cripple me from seeing others and their needs and stresses. Huh. I am not alone. And, being angry has gotten me nowhere. If anything, it has added to the chaos and stress and made things just a little bit harder for everyone in the house. Go figure.
So, I am letting go. I am releasing the hurt of a life long friend. I am going to stop shaking a fist in the air at the people who I expected to be there. I am going to stop blaming and I am going to start listening to the angels again. I am going to take the ball of anger and trash it. It is only harming me and those around me. I can't be a hairapist who's pissed. They simply don't go together.
And, I am going to reflect on the positive. My last client of the night last night has been an acquaintance I have wanted to get to know more. For some reason, whenever she comes in, we have an incredible connection. And yet, we haven't ever gotten together outside of the salon. We have so much in common and our conversations run deep. When I talk to her, I am comforted by our shared struggles and her sweet spirit. I am thankful for her kindness and even more so, for the interaction with her at the end of my crazy day. She helped me and probably doesn't even know it.
Through our family stresses, there have been so many who have dropped by with meals, care packages for my son, phone calls of support and so on. These things just cannot be overlooked. They are blessings. They are living angels who have stepped in where others haven't or couldn't. I have robbed myself and my family of those blessings by focusing so much on the negative. I'm releasing it NOW.
As the weekend starts, and the s@#$ storm might continue, I am going to make the conscious choice to focus on the good stuff. I am going to think of all the love that has been thrown our way. I am going to rise above the ugliness I have no control over, realize I am not alone in the struggles of life, and keep on keepin' on. And, of couse, I am going to Believe.
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