A Journey of My Own

Because of what I do for a living, people automatically assume I am social all the time.  I think there is a little bit of a shock factor even for those close to me when I get very quiet before making a major life decision.  And, for some reason, I expect the people I love the most to jump on board my life train and cheer me on.  Why am I surprised when this doesn’t happen?! 

Each one of us is on our own journey.  There are people who come and go from our lives constantly.  Then there are the ones who even when you don’t talk regularly, they are there.

Before becoming a hairapist, I was a stay at home mom of three.  I was really good at it.  I made meals, went shopping (spending all of my husband’s hard earned money), did laundry, and made a best friend.  She was really good at spending money too.  We were the BEST of friends.  I would make cookies and make sure there was always an extra batch for her family.  I would sit out on her deck sipping iced tea while the kids swam in the pool.  I was living the dream right?  Not quite. 

My marriage was falling apart due to alcoholism, immaturity and a vast array of other bad decisions.  And, my BEST friend became a distant memory of what life used to be.  She became more and more distant.  Not understanding my decisions.  Heck, maybe not even respecting them.  After all, she was married to her high school sweetheart, and though they had their dysfunction, they were committed to making it work.  She slowly pulled away, and though I was hurt, I see her now and wonder how we were ever so close.  Our lives have taken two completely different paths.  Neither one better than the other, just different.

I knew when I made this series of decisions leading me to this place, I was healing myself and doing the right thing.  When your angels singing has dulled to a quiet hum and you are so lost in your day to day life trying to preserve the happiness of others before yourself, it is time to make a change.

I have visions for my future of doing things, big things to help others.  I love being behind the chair.  And, doing hair is my passion.  But, I am confident there will be more.  I have my list.  It’s a bucket list of sorts.  It is constantly being added to with things I know I  want to make happen in this life.  The most important things involve giving back to other people.

This list wasn’t going to happen without finding myself, being true to myself and of course above all else, hearing those angels again.  I don’t believe our angels ever leave us.  But I do believe when we are on a path of self destruction, we get so lost, WE fail to hear them.

I have spent the last couple of days watching the ones who have been there for me and coming to the acceptance of the ones who simply can’t do it.  The same way I have to live my life and be true to myself, they need to do the same.  Is life ever happening the way we thought it would?  While we are making plans, aren’t things usually happening just a little differently?  We do the best with what we are given. 

Even if I stand alone, this decision is the right one.  And the part I am most grateful for, is the time I am taking now to spend with my kids, exercise, feel the sun on my face and take care of ME.  I can’t be the hairapist I am meant to be without nurturing my soul.  So while I take this little hiatus from hair, I am going to be reaching the acceptance of those unable to understand, and embracing those that get it.  But even more than that, I am going to focus on what is right for me, my children, and listen a little closer to those angels.

The sun is rising now.  It’s time for a cup of coffee in the quiet of the morning before the chaos of the day starts.

We are never alone.  Ever.

Believe.