I remember
my first love like it was yesterday. He
was adorable. A summer crush
really. But, it lasted several
summers. I also remember when he broke
my heart. I thought I would never
recover. And, here I sit somehow having
made it through.
Then there
was Titanic. I remember sitting in the
theater unable to move when it was over with the thought “I will never get over
this movie”. It seems laughable now but
at the time, it was earth shattering to me.
When my
parents divorced, though I was 22 and had a child of my own, I felt like my
whole world had been turned upside down.
I wondered if life would ever be the same. It hasn’t been the same, but somehow, it has
continued to move forward.
I remember
as if it was last week the birth of each one of my amazing children. Those four days were the most incredible,
spiritual experiences I will ever have in my life. I also remember the day my second oldest was
fighting for his life on full ventilator support. I wondered if I would ever be able to breathe
again if I lost my son. And somehow, I
am still here. (With a stong 12 year old I might add).
I committed
to you dear reader, to share the good the bad and the ugly. I wanted this blog to be authentic. I wanted you to see “me”. Not the me with makeup and hair done, but the
inner me. And, as we all walk around
with our masks on, there is so much more underneath.
Tomorrow I
embark on the next chapter of my life.
And, like pain I have felt in the past, it will be painful. And unlike a shot at the doctor’s office, it
won’t be over in a second. It will take
months…years to bounce back. But, some
things are not meant to be forever. And
well, playing the blame game just doesn’t seem worth it. It takes two people to end a
relationship. Two people who for
whatever reason can’t work through the “yuck” life puts in our way. It doesn’t mean the world is ending. It simply means it is time for a change.
I know the
person I made forever commitments to is still a person I will have in my life
forever. I hope at some point when we
get past the hurt and anger, we can reach a point of forgiveness. I hope for the sake of everyone involved
there will be the recognition there are three sides to every story. And, lashing out only hurts the littlest
people involved.
If you my
dear reader have ever been through something tough like I am describing, there
are always two choices. One, stay and
make it work. Two, try and make it work
and if it doesn’t, move on. We have made
the choice to close this chapter and start a new one.
Why am I
putting all of this “out there” do you ask?
Because I want YOU to know, you are not alone. And, I want you to know, it is okay to say “this
isn’t working”. We each have to follow
our own inner voice. We each deserve to
live our truth and to hear our angels singing.
I know I was
meant to be here to help other people.
Unfortunately, I did not know the hurt I would experience in the process. But I remember a childhood movie “The Sword
in the Stone”. A great little song “For
every high there is a low, for every to there is a fro. To and fro. Stop and go. That’s what makes the world go round”…it is
time to keep on moving ahead. This might
be one of my lows, but I have faith in the angels, I will reach a high again.
As I go
through life’s hardest struggles, my chatty self becomes one of quiet
reflection. I contemplated all night
whether or not to post. But, if I am
going to be authentic, it needs to be in the good and the bad. I can’t be worried about “everyone” and their
opinion. Too many times, we worry about “everyone”…who
is “everyone” really? We make this idea
up in our head that the whole world is judging us based on our own personal
journey. There will be more than a small
few who will judge. But remember my
friend, they aren’t walking in your shoes.
They aren’t walking in mine. And
the only one in the mirror at the end of the day is you.
My bags are
packed. The keys are in hand. And the hope for peace is there. Never lose hope. There will always be a bright spot at the end
of the tunnel. Some tunnels are just a little
longer than others.
And, if the
tunnel is that dark, make sure you bring your lantern. Thank the heavens above the angels keeps
singing even in the darkest of times.
Believe.
I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling right now. You are such a strong person to follow your truth. I am grateful that our paths have crossed. If there is anything I can do for you, please reach out! Much Love to you Stacey!
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