The Game Changer

Jane has only been a client of mine for about six months now.  She came to me because she needed a new look.  She is a beautiful middle aged woman who had gotten lost in her daughter’s drug addiction.  The very first time she came to me, she was candid about her struggles.  We had many parallels in our lives.  I believe this is why she felt so comfortable to talk to me about her situation.  While we worked on a new sassy ‘do for Jane, she talked to me about all of the sacrifices she made in order to get her daughter away from the drugs and negative influences.  Jane had put her own happiness on the line in order to “save” her daughter.

Jane has reached out to me several times asking how to get her angels to sing.  I got up this morning at 4 am and had an “aha” moment.  I know it was meant to be shared with Jane, but more importantly, I know the message was for me too.  I realized I can’t rest until I share it.  So for all you “Jane’s” out there, here it is…

I had a game changer moment this morning Jane.  I realized WE can’t live for someone else’s happiness or safety.  Sure, she is your daughter.  And you were blessed to be her mom.  But, she is grown now.  And you can’t save her.  You can be there as a support to her but you can’t put a protective bubble around her and keep her from going back to something if it is what she chooses.  And while you are trying to keep her from the things she may or may not go back to, you are completely neglecting YOU.

Living in fear of the “what if” is not living.  It is clinging onto a branch like a kitten in a tree.  We are hoping we don’t fall.   But, by thinking about the fall, we are creating the inevitable.  Whether it is our own “stuff” or someone else’s, we can’t change what “is”.  It is up to us to live each day as authentically as possible.

So, Jane (and this is for me too), we need to stop living for others and start doing what is right for us.  It might mean hurt.  It might mean pain.  But, if you aren’t taking care of YOU, who will?  I have faith if we both do this, our angels will sing louder than ever.  We are each here to grow individually.  We might have the help and support of others, but we can’t get lost in them.  It means losing our own way.  And, I don’t know about you but I am completely exhausted from living like this.

When you stop for a moment, and it is just you and the quiet, ask yourself this:  Am I living authentically?  Or am I doing what I feel obligated to do?  Am I being the person I am meant to be?  Or am I putting other’s needs before my own?   We each have our own angels singing.  Some of us are just more careful to listen.  I’m ready to start listening a little closer.  Are you?

Believe.