My Absence

My blogging has been rather quiet lately.  I have had messages and requests for posts.  And though I can attribute some of it to my mountain getaway, it doesn’t really explain it all.

I have been working like crazy to catch up with my clients.  Business is busier than ever and though it is stressful, when I walk into my creative space, I feel like I come alive.  Every client sitting in my chair is the potential for something amazing.  I am allowed the privilege of making magic happen.  And, sometimes, I don’t quite hit the mark.

Yesterday, I had a client come in for her second visit.  She is a referral from a dear friend of mine.  When she left her appointment the first time, she was THRILLED!  She couldn’t say enough about how happy she was to find me.  Her cut was exactly what she wanted.  She walked out of the salon with a skip in her step and once again, I was happy to see another person so happy.  But yesterday…well, yesterday was different.  Carol came into the salon and the moment she walked through the door, I knew something wasn’t right.  She was quiet and sullen.  Her makeup and hair were done and she looked polished as she had the first time, but she seemed low.  I don’t know how I know these things.  But, after doing hair for so many years, I have learned to read people’s body language.  It was evident something was very wrong.

Once Carol sat in the chair, I proceeded to do the usual.  I asked her how her cut had worked for her and what we needed to do to get her the same look.  All of a sudden I was thrown into a very direct (repeated several times) description of how awful the last few weeks with this cut had been for her.  Yikes.  Now, my first response was to shut down.  My internal dialogue was something like this.  “Holy crap.  I messed up.  She is unhappy.  And now, she is repeating over and over again how unhappy she is…what am I going to do.  I am not meant to be a hairdresser.  She is not meant to be my client.  What is wrong with me?”  Outwardly, I sat quietly and took it all in.  Once she was repeating the unhappy details of the past few weeks for the third time, I calmly stepped in, assured her I knew how to fix it and started to stand to shampoo her.  She sat in the chair, leaned her head into the bowl, and I said a quiet prayer I would be able to deliver a good cut.  Sounds silly, but I felt a tremendous amount of pressure.  Clearly, I was not what she needed right?  WRONG.  Once Carol had her head in the shampoo bowl and I started to wash her hair, she opened up about her life.  Something tragic is going on with her son.  She was so sorry if she sounded negative.  She wasn’t even sure she should keep her appointment with me.  And then the tears began to flow.  And, my heart turned from defensive to compassion.  Yes, she wasn’t happy with her cut, but there was so much going on in her life and well, it wasn’t all about me.

I have been thinking about Carol since yesterday.  I have prayed for her and her family.  And, I have reflected on the number of times I have assumed everything was great in someone else’s life while mine wasn’t exactly going as planned.  I have thought about how many times I will think the person in my chair has a chip on their shoulder and immediately, I take it personally. 

Carol was another reminder.  When someone is short tempered, quiet (out of their usual temperament), or overly critical, it probably isn’t about us.  Each one of us walks around with the weight of our own adversity.  Sometimes, we have a spring in our step.  Life is good.  And then there are those times, the really tough times, where we can’t hide what is really weighing on our hearts.

My blog has been quiet these days because just like Carol, my heart is heavy right now.  It isn’t the worst “stuff” I have ever been through.  And, I am sure I will face much worse at some point in my life.  But, as I have commited to you the reader to be completely authentic, it seems wrong to boost you with stories of my angels singing when quite frankly right now, I can’t even hear them quietly humming to me.

I will always be the hairapist who gives one hundred and fifty percent to the person in my chair.  But, the reality is, when I am not behind the chair, I am human.  I face my own struggles.  And even though I am strong, there are times where I feel like the weight of the world is just more than I can bare.  I felt Carol’s pain yesterday because I was going through my own pain.  And, I believe together, we helped each other.  She reminded me it is okay to let it out when things get tough.  And, if we are going to feel pure joy, there has to be a time where we feel the pain of life too.

As I sit here sipping my morning cup of coffee, I am reminded today is a new day.  Though the painful situation is still there and I am not ready to talk about it, I will acknowledge the pain, and tuck it somewhere deep within in order to do my job.  I will continue to give my all to my clients, my family and my friends.  And, with faith, I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.  Tears are okay.  What follows after the biggest storms?  A rainbow.  No matter how long it takes, I will get through this.  And, so will Carol.  And whatever you might be facing, you too will get through it.  Even when it doesn’t feel like it, we are never truly alone.  I know my angels never stop singing.  I need to listen a little closer.

What about you?  What are you facing right now?  Do you have the heavy weight of adversity on you?  This too shall pass, right?

Believe.