Forgiveness

I had a client a few years back who we will call Jane.  Jane worked in the community and was fairly well known.  I met Jane through my oldest daughter.  She seemed polite but VERY GUARDED.  But, as only a hairapist would know, she needed MAJOR hairapy.  Now, when I meet someone, and they don’t have the best cut or color, I start looking into more than that.  I want to know this person.  I want to know what they are like socially, emotionally.  Yes people, I dig deep.  And, quite frankly, Jane had a major chip on her shoulder.  She was uptight and well, not the nicest person to sit in my chair. 

Now, some hairapists might look at Jane and think, “I CANNOT have that woman in my chair”.  I looked at Jane and thought two things: 1)  I can’t WAIT to fix her hair 2) I WILL break her down and figure out why she is the way she is!

And, so Jane started to become a regular.  A bossy regular.  She knew what she wanted and how I was to do it.  And, well, I was so taken aback, I let her run the show.  And anyone who knows me is reading this right now and saying “No. Way.”  But, it’s true.  I now had a client with ugly hair and I didn’t want anyone to know I did it.  And, on top of all of this, I had no idea how to get through to her.  Let’s just say MY plan wasn’t working out too well for me. 

A few months into the relationship, Jane and I started talking about different services and I suggested (subtly) that she try keratin (a smoothing treatment).  Her hair was out of control and I knew this would help.  The next time I saw Jane, she told me she had gone and gotten keratin at another “less expensive” salon.  From there, the relationship started on its downward spiral.  And I, being as passionate (okay, obsessive) as I am about hair, started to pull away.  I stopped trying.  And soon, Jane was emailing me for color formulas and asking if she could do her hair at home.  I could go on and on with the inappropriate behavior.  But, you get where I am going with this, right?  The woman was breaking every rule I had for myself and my business!  Color your hair at home?!  Go somewhere less expensive and I give you my color formula?  Do you want me to hand you my paycheck too?!

I spent months after ending the relationship stewing about it.  I was angry with Jane.  Why would she compromise me like this?  Why would she think her behavior was okay?  What the heck had I done to deserve this? 

And then, one day I realized, I didn’t have the energy to be angry with her anymore.  I was spending so much time fixating on her crazy wig of hair and desperately wanting to sass her up…and well, she didn’t want my help.  We weren’t on the same page.  And guess what?  I realized that’s okay.  And I forgave her.  I forgave her for being so insulting to me when sitting in my chair.  I forgave her for asking for her color formula.  I forgave her because I needed to heal and move on.  And, I realized there is a BIG difference between forgiving and forgetting.

Yes, you may be reading this and thinking “it’s just hair”!  But, is it really?  If someone is disrespectful of any part of your life or beliefs, don’t the same rules apply?  And isn’t it you who is hurting if you walk around angry all the time?

So, I am a work in progress.  I am a hairapist.  And you might be a teacher or a doctor or a lawyer or an author.  No matter what your title is, we all make mistakes.  And, we all deserve forgiveness.  Wouldn’t this world be a better place if everyone could find it in their hearts to forgive one another a little bit more and be angry a little bit less?

To all the “Janes” of my past I want to tell you, I forgive you.  And, I hope you in turn will forgive me too.

Believe.