The Plan

Being a mother of four, it takes major planning to get a kid free weekend.  Usually, the entire week before the weekend, there is anticipation of the time off.  I work a little more so I can enjoy my break.  And, right now I am making it sound like these breaks happen regularly.  The truth is, I haven’t had a break in a few years now.  So, the idea of leaving four kids and being in a cabin in the middle of nowhere was greatly anticipated.  No specific time to wake up.  No breakfast to cook for anyone.  No responsibilities.  I didn’t care about cold weather, possible snow, or the drive to and from.  I was feeling like a Calgon commercial from the 80’s. (“Take me away!”)  And then it happened.

Little one has strep throat for the first time.  And, understandably so, no one is going to want to keep a fussy baby while we run away from our responsibilities.  Let’s face it, when a child is sick, it takes everything in the parent to continue to run on empty.  Sleepless nights, excessive crying.  I can’t sell someone else on the idea of a glamorous weekend with a child I can hardly handle.

And, so I get angry.  WHY ME?  It is again so childish.  My inner three year old, throwing one of her tantrums again.  Embarassingly, I have been internally having these tantrums quite frequently lately.  And, the way it displays itself is in a short tempered mom who likes to mutter words under her breath that shouldn’t be put in a blog.  I am bitter and angry.  (Doesn’t this make you want to call me up and hang out?   Not.)

I woke up this morning now with a scratchy throat and the hopes it isn’t the same thing the baby has.  I am going to put on my workout clothes and hope it motivates me to sweat out the bitter today.  While I work out, I am going to remind myself I am not in control.  Life happens, right?  It amazes me at 37 years old, I somehow still seem to think I am in charge.  And, if I push everyone hard enough, things will fall into place the way I think they should.  If I just plan enough, everything will work out.  Uh, yea…not so much.

Instead of planning today, I am going to take it minute by minute.  Not even hour by hour.  I am going to accept this weekend is not going to be what I thought it was.  And, I am going to embrace whatever it is supposed to be.  Clearly, there is a lesson the angels have for me.  Though it doesn’t involve a weekend getaway, I have decided I am going to listen.  And embrace it.  After all, babies aren't little forever.  Maybe I am supposed to hold mine a little closer this weekend.  

Believe.