Ms. Perfect (Maybe not)

Okay, I think we have definitely established I love what I do.  But, there is a down side to it.  The image the client has of themselves.  You know what I am talking about.  The self critical little voice in our heads.  The one that critiques every little part of us we may feel uncomfortable with.  Maybe you think your forehead is too big.  Your hair is too thin.  Your face is too "fat" (I hear this one often).  Or better yet, the "if onlys".  If only I could lose 20 pounds.  If only my hair was curly.  If only my hair was straight.  If only my hair was long.  If only I wasn't going gray.  Or even better, I am handed a photo of a super model and asked to recreate her hair on my client...the model has long straight hair.  The client...curly short hair.  Umm...okay...
I confess.  I am extremely self critical.  I have managed to pack on a good portion of the "baby weight" as I have found comfort in stuffing my face and sitting on my butt while going through this stressful time.  I justify the behavior with how busy life is with four kids.  The gym is just IMPOSSIBLE to get to.  And yet,  I feel parts jiggle that I didn't even know I had.  And I shame myself for not being more self disciplined.  And I get pissed when I have to suck in as much as possible to get my pants to zip up.  The Victoria's Secret catalog comes in the mail and I throw it in the trash as fast as I can because though I order the necessities from them, I can't stand to look at the "perfect" bodies that fill the pages.  They are yet another reminder of what I am not.
I find we do this with everything in life.  We see someone wearing a new outfit that looks amazing.  And we are sporting our yoga pants and ponytails (yea I said it).  We see our neighbors moving into a beautiful home and we are sitting in the same townhouse we have been in for years.  Someone we know is headed to a tropical island while we continue the monotony of our day to day routine.  Ugh.
Then we go further with it.  We see our perfect friend and her perfect body and her perfect everything and we think...what. the. hell?!  How did I end up with these thunder thighs and she is a skinny minnie?  Why am I the one to be sitting at home while she goes to the beach and works on her tan?  Ms. Perfect.  Uh yea.  Let me tell you, it's a lie we tell ourselves when we do the self talk game.  Let's compare the "worst" of ourselves to the "best" of someone else.  Helpful?  No.  Culturally ingrained for most of us women?  Uh, yeah.
We all have "flaws".  We all have our "stuff".  Not one of us isn't riddled with some kind of longing to be better than we are by comparing ourselves to someone else or long to change something about our physical appearance because the model in the magazine is Ms Perfect.  Then there's our living situation, our job...you get the idea.
I was scrolling through facebook not too long ago when I came across a quote that has haunted me for weeks now.  And when I say haunted, I mean YUCK!  It said "Everything happens for a reason.  Or maybe you're just dumb and make bad decisions". Ugh.
Haven't we all struggled with something?  Physical, emotional, financial.  Whatever it may be, do we put ourselves right where we are in life?  Yes.  But even if we aren't Ms. Perfect, could it be that where we are is exactly where we are supposed to be?
So today, I sit here a little thicker in the middle than I would like.  It will come off.  I will get the motivation to work on it....sometime.  But what the hell.  I am going to go ahead and embrace it.  Having four babies and a few cookies got me here.  And, heading back to the gym will take care of that.  But for now, I am going to embrace this chub, the hair with a few gray strands that need coloring and face the world with a smile on my face.  And, I am going to pose the question...wouldn't it be better to lift each other up, flaws and all and embrace our differences?  I say let's give it a try.  And in the meantime, I will be at the salon to work on a few of the more reasonable requests of each of you.  (I am sure I have some great ideas for a new cut or color for summer.)  Let's start a revolution.  Let's ditch "Ms. Perfect".  I can feel the pressure I have put on myself lifting already.  How 'bout you?

Believe.

Real life Angels

There is something amazing that happens when times are tough.  It could be a death in the family, a divorce, the loss of a job, a family crisis.  I have tried over the last few months to understand it.  The people you least expect to be there, are there one hundred percent.  They might be people you hardly even know.  And then, the ones you thought would be there suddenly vanish.  Crazy, but true.
I had a client come in this week who is the wife of a pastor. I have started to get to know her over the past few months and she is without a doubt one of my angels.  She is beautiful and soft spoken.  And, when I say she is beautiful, I am not just talking about her physical appearance, but more her spirit.  She walked into the salon for her cut and took one look at me, and instead of a haircut, I was the one who got the therapy. 
I am not one to easily hide when I am struggling.  Unfortunately, I was blessed with the beautiful dark circles that magically appear under my eyes when I am sick, sad or tired.  Or, even worse all three.  (Two of my four munchkins have been lucky enough to inherit this wonderful feature.  To both of them, I am so sorry).  To my angel, these dark circles were a dead giveaway to my inner struggles.  So, instead of a haircut, we talked for quite some time with the radio playing in the background.  She lifted me up with her advice and inspiration. And then the strangest thing happened.  She asked me to pray with her and the radio went to a low hum of static.  She prayed for me and the music didn't interrupt.  It was a moment I will never forget.  I am so thankful for moments like these.  They remind me there is a power greater than myself looking out for me.  And,  when I seem to forget this, there is always a reminder.
Not every day can be "the best day".  And, not everyone in our lives can be there when we need them.  I don't think it's that they don't want to necessarily.  But rather, they don't know how.  So, those angels who step in and offer a helping hand, accept it.  Embrace it.
I was whining to a very close friend of mine about how isolated I feel right now.  The response I got was "your friends are there, but maybe you are the one distancing yourself from them".  This is probably true to a point.  And, maybe this whole life change has changed me.  Maybe the people I once wanted or needed in my life aren't the ones who will be there when this process is over.  But, one thing I know for sure.  When you feel the lowest, there will always be someone there to reach out a hand, and help lift you up.  Those angels don't care what time it is, or what you need.  They will go to whatever lengths they have to and try to help.  I have experienced it over and over.  I know these people have helped carry me through on the days when I wasn't quite sure I could take anymore.
Who are your angels?  When have they stepped in and helped out?  And how did they do it?  Have you reached out and thanked them?  To all my angels who have held my hand through the past few months, or even longer, I say thank you.
Believe.

My Thankfuls

I had a client come in yesterday for a haircut.  I have to admit she and her daughter are so similar in their personalities, it's scary.  They have this dry sense of humor that brightens my day every time either one of them walks into the salon.  And, if I get the two of them together, even better.  
I haven't been having the easiest time these days.  Now, when I say this I am not complaining.  I am simply stating the obvious.  And, this wonderful client put it perfectly.  "Here's Stacey, and here's the black cloud!"  Umm...yea.  I would say so.  It has been more than a rough couple of months.  So today's blog starts with a quote I am going to use to remind myself daily, "This too shall pass" and I am going to throw out a list of things I am thankful for. Every night before I go to bed for the past few months, this ritual has been a part of my bedtime routine.  I have to come up with at least three things I am thankful for. I am hoping this will inspire you, my dear reader, to dig deep and think of the things you are thankful for.  Or, better yet, post them in my comments section.  I can't think of a better way to start the day.  And, if that stupid black cloud is still around, I am going to start leaving the house with an umbrella regardless of weather or not the sun is shining.

1. I am thankful my son is alive and healthy.  His accident was one of the scariest days of my life.  His angels were watching out for him.
2. I am thankful my littlest is going to be one in about a week.  She is one of the brightest spots on my life with her chubby cheeks and her carefree view of the world.
3. I am thankful for a career I love which makes it never feel like work.
4. I am thankful for the "hair challenges" that come through the door of the salon.  They make me giddy...most of the time.
5. I am thankful I work with someone who makes me laugh and makes work even more enjoyable.  She is definitely my hair soul mate.
6. I am thankful for the people who have lifted me up and helped carry me on the darkest days of this storm.  Meals, moving, texts, phone calls, you name it.
7. I am thankful for those who haven't been there for me through this time.  They have taught me lessons I didn't know I needed to learn.
8. I am thankful for my faith.  I know it will get better.  And, I am beginning to hear those angels singing a little louder every day.
9. I am thankful for my "person".  Everyone has one.  That one person who seems to be there through it all and never gives up on you.  The one who makes life a little sweeter just because they are in it.
10. I am thankful I am stronger than I was yesterday and I will be even stronger tomorrow because of this dark cloud.  So, I say, bring it on.  It might not be what I expected, but then again, who said life is what we plan it to be anyway?

Believe.

Confessions of an (almost) Ponytail

Those of you who know me know how I feel about the (dreaded) ponytail.  Yes, there is a time and a place for this 'do, but the fact is, I just don't like them.  Working out, cleaning house, new baby, fine.  But if you are sporting this look to work...you need an intervention.
Due to the chaos in my life, I have been on a haircut strike.  Yes, this hairdresser, who always has the polished perfect look is just letting it go.  I am lucky to get the gray hairs covered these days due to how busy Penny and I have been.  Yes Penny, that is a hint.  So, while caring for my son and running around the house yesterday, I found myself calling out to my teenager "Do you have a ponytail holder?"  Yeah, I said it.  And, within a few minutes I had a nub of hair on the back of my head.  It isn't quite long enough to look like the horse's a@# I usually refer to, but the fact is, I went there.  And, I have to admit for the chaos I was dealing with in the house, it was worth it.  So ladies, I am going to stop giving you a hard time for the next few hot months when you stroll into the salon with your 'do in the dreaded ponytail.  And, I am going to sport mine only in the comfort of my own home with no witnesses but the family.
Please let me be clear, I am happier with a beautiful blowout on each and every one of us, but let's face it.  Sometimes ya just need to throw it back and look like a horse's a@#. 

Testing 1...2...3...

 

When I tell you this family is on overload, I am not exaggerating.  We are definitely being tested in every way possible.  I remember a few short months ago, as I was starting my journey with blogging, thinking about what might be ahead of me.  I felt like I was meant to do "something more".  I meditated and prayed about it daily.  I thought my angels were trying to let me know I was needed in some other way than just my day to day routine.  I was ready for whatever it was.  I guess I was not specific enough in my prayers because I had NO idea what I was about to be hit with.  And, I am sure this is how it is for most people when they are hit with many big things all at once.
I was at work this past week when I got the word my youngest son was in an accident.  Without getting into too many details of it, we have been in a helicopter, spent a few nights in the hospital and he has had surgery to repair a broken femur.  He is home and recovering and we are finally getting the added medical attention we need at home to function and help him heal.  This mom is now taking a deep breath, letting it all sink in and recognizing how "lucky" we are and how much worse it could have been.  I believe the word would be gratitude. 
So, I have headed back to work.  Because as all small business owners know, you aren't getting paid if you aren't working.  I have every intention when I head into work to give my all to everyone who comes through the door.  But, I am human.  And, sometimes I fall short due to the distractions of my other roles.  Namely, being a mom.  I believe I needed a reminder of the need for a separation of home and work.  And, I have taken this lesson to heart and am going to make a conscious effort to pull it together.  The reality of life is, when we get hit with "stuff", it is usually a bunch of stuff all at once.  I tend to use the term s@#$ storm.  It seems like the only appropriate description of what happens when one is slammed with life's challenges all at once and it all comes at you so fast, it hits like a tornado.
During these times, it is so easy to be negative.  And even more so, to be angry.  I have been angrier than I think I have ever been.  I have focused on the loss of friendships, the lack of support from people I thought "should" be there.  I have been filled with resentment and hurt.  I have painted myself the victim and made "them" the offender.  Plain and simple.  I have been pissed at the world.  I have suppressed the anger and put on a happy face all the while holding in the giant ball of anger in my gut.  And while it has been eating away at me, I have played the blame game.
As I got done a rather stressful and intense day at work yesterday I had a little bit of time to reflect.  I was peaceful all day even through the next phase of the storm.  I had clients ask about my son and his condition along with other things that might trigger a string of negativity and I was cool as a cucumber.  As I got in the car and thought about my day, I was shocked at how calm I had been.
I was calm because I realized for the first time in the last couple of months that I am not the only one in a storm of chaos and stress.  Yes, simple concept, I know.  And yet, the intense level of stress has caused me to pull into a shell and cripple me from seeing others and their needs and stresses.  Huh.  I am not alone.  And, being angry has gotten me nowhere.  If anything, it has added to the chaos and stress and made things just a little bit harder for everyone in the house.  Go figure.
So, I am letting go.  I am releasing the hurt of a life long friend.  I am going to stop shaking a fist in the air at the people who I expected to be there.  I am going to stop blaming and I am going to start listening to the angels again.  I am going to take the ball of anger and trash it.  It is only harming me and those around me.  I can't be a hairapist who's pissed.  They simply don't go together.
And, I am going to reflect on the positive.  My last client of the night last night has been an acquaintance I have wanted to get to know more.  For some reason, whenever she comes in, we have an incredible connection.  And yet, we haven't ever gotten together outside of the salon.  We have so much in common and our conversations run deep.  When I talk to her, I am comforted by our shared struggles and her sweet spirit.  I am thankful for her kindness and even more so, for the interaction with her at the end of my crazy day.  She helped me and probably doesn't even know it.
Through our family stresses, there have been so many who have dropped by with meals, care packages for my son, phone calls of support and so on.  These things just cannot be overlooked.  They are blessings.  They are living angels who have stepped in where others haven't or couldn't.  I have robbed myself and my family of those blessings by focusing so much on the negative.  I'm releasing it NOW.
As the weekend starts, and the s@#$ storm might continue, I am going to make the conscious choice to focus on the good stuff.  I am going to think of all the love that has been thrown our way.  I am going to rise above the ugliness I have no control over, realize I am not alone in the struggles of life, and keep on keepin' on.  And, of couse, I am going to Believe.

Why settle?

I have a client and friend of mine (actually she is the one who calls me her hairapist) and she requested a post on this subject of settling.  The request was weeks ago.  And, I have been thinking about it ever since.  Now please do not get this confused with my last post about expectations.  This isn't about the expectations we have of others or the stress we put on ourselves in our day to day life.  It's about what makes us happy.  And, why is that so many of us settle for less in life than what we really want?
This client I am referring to is a really intelligent woman.  She works hard at her job and she is feisty.  I love our conversations and I always take something away from them.  And one of the main topics of conversation is why she settles for a job she HATES.  Now, I am not sure if it is the work she hates or the company, but does it really matter?  Does it seem fulfilling to get up every morning with a feeling of dread about what lies ahead working for someone you can't stand?  What if it isn't your job?  What if it's other circumstances in your life?  Your weight?  Your relationship?  Your lack of motivation?  Why, why, why do we settle?!
I think one of the first answers is the fear of change.  Going outside of our comfort zone can be terrifying.  We get caught up in an internal game of "what if" instead of trusting out instincts or possibly even just taking a risk.  We think of all the things we have to "lose" if we take a leap of faith.
Another reason could be we get stuck.  There are periods of time where we get complacent for no other reason than a comfortable routine starts and before we know it, we have been in that same routine for weeks...months...years.  Yikes.  But isn't this life about growing and bettering ourselves?
I saw an interesting quote today.  I don't remember the exact wording but it was something like "does today look like something you would want written in the book of your life?"  I immediately thought of my unwashed and hair and makeupless face.  (So vain).  Then I thought about the time I spent with my baby.  The clean house.  The meal I was preparing for dinner.  And, the person I got to help with just a little bit of advice and some food to take home with him.  Every day isn't perfect.  But, I am right where I want to be today.  And, I am dreaming big.  And, you have my word I will make those dreams come true.
So in what part of your life are you settling?  And, what are you going to do to change it?  It's in your power to change those things you aren't happy with.  Don't settle for anything less.  And believe.

Expectations

Every day I go to work, it is with the anticipation of what lies ahead.  I never know if it will be a day of clients needing to unload emotional baggage and a serious hairapy session, or if it will be a day of excitement and new ideas.  Last week, I had a day I would compare to Christmas.  I had THREE new clients in ONE day!  This never happens.  I am usually seeing my "regulars".  And, please know I love each and every one.  But, there is something about a "newbie" that brings about an indescribable giddiness in me.  I find it hard to contain myself.  And many times, I get strange looks from this poor person who has no idea how passionate I am about what I do.  (To the people who really know me and my creative "process", they are probably chuckling right now).

This day was MIND. BLOWING.  Three people, all with different "hair issues" and they were all extreme makeovers.  I felt alive with creativity and was able to let the outside world go and savor every moment.  I had no expectations of what the day was to be, and it turned out to be AH-MAZING!  I came home on a natural high of a day filled with success. There is something truly incredible in the creative process when passion and talent come together and I see my client's face light up as they see the finished look in the mirror.  The craziest part about this?  They are trusting a complete stranger based off of one person telling them I am good at what I do.  Yikes.  Now that is pressure.  I always ask if they are nervous.  Sometimes the answer is yes (well, most of the time).  And sometimes the answer is no (followed by "it's just hair"...people, it is never "just hair" to me).

This day got me thinking about my life right now and all of the changes I have had going on.  I have been quiet on the blogging front because I wanted to reconnect with myself and make sure my blog wasn't veering away from what I wanted it to be.  I wanted an authentic view of the life of a hairapist with a twist of day to day life lessons.  I wanted to uplift the reader or at least get them thinking.  If my angels were down to a low hum (or I was just too distracted to listen) how was I going to be able to give anything to my reader?

I believe my biggest struggle has been expectations.  I set them for myself and for those around me.   And, when I fail to meet them, or the people around me do, I let it take me down.

My Christmas Day in the salon made me rethink this.  When there is no expectation, how can there be disappointment?  When we stop expecting people to act a certain way, or our day to head in a certain direction, disappointment isn't an option.  In it's place is the opportunity for magic to happen.

I was listening to an audio book in the car the other day from one of my favorite spiritual advisors.  She said if you take five minutes in the morning of quiet to be thankful for what you have and open your mind to the possibilities of the day, you will not be disappointed.  I tried it.  I thought, what do I have to lose?  It's five minutes.  And, you know what?  It worked.  Now, in my way of thinking, this was time to listen to those angels and let go of expectation.  For you, it may be viewed differently.  But, however you look at it, it's five mintues.  Try it.  What do you have to lose.  Let go of the expectations of yourself and those around you.  And believe.