Self Talk

I swear I am not meant to post this morning.  I tried my computer and it is in the process of some incredible update.  And now I am using my daughter's computer and this is attempt two to stay on the page without it rerouting me somewhere else...but I digress.

I have been on a mission to get in shape.  I am working out six days a week.  I have hired a personal trainer and when I am not getting my butt kicked by him, I am alternating workouts at home and in the gym.  I would say I am a woman on a mission.  I am desperate to be healthy and toned and well, to lose the damn baby weight.  Eastyn is now 8 months old (March 5) and I am tired of the excuse "you just had a baby".  The fact is, I was sitting in front of the tv every night snacking with my husband.  It had nothing to do with the baby. 
I went to the doctor the other day and well, let's just say it deflated my balloon.  I walk in feeling like I am going to get some time with my doctor to answer some questions and I forgot all about the step BEFORE you get to actually see the doctor.  The medical assistant comes out, greets you and then immediately jumps to "Would you please step on the scale?"  Now, for anyone battling weight loss this is the equivalent of being told to stand naked in a room full of people.  It SUCKS.  It especially sucks when you have been working out, eating right and doing what you are "supposed" to do instead of indulging in a pint of Ben and Jerry's coffee heath bar ice cream.  And, then you finally see the doc only to be asked what is going on because you have gained SIX pounds since your last appointment!  WHAT. THE. HELL.  After me telling her (sarcastically) I kindof wanted to punch her in the face (we have that kind of relationship), I held in tears til I got to the car and then proceeded to cry THE ENTIRE WAY HOME.  I mean, ugly cry.  The kind of cry like the my pet just died.  I was devastated.  I proceeded after this ugly cry to then beat myself up with self loathing talk.  "I am so fat.  What is wrong with me?  Why can't I lose the weight?  I should just go and eat a cheeseburger.  Screw it, I'm eating the Ben and Jerry's tonight."  I could go on and on but you get the idea right?

There are so many times where a client gets in my chair and because of the same sort of self talk, he or she is convinced they CAN'T try something new.  "My face is too fat.  I can't do short hair."  "My forehead will look too big with bangs." "I CAN'T go dark.  I have been blonde my whole life."  "My husband won't like it if I change my hair."  "I NEED to be able to put it up in a ponytail" (probably one of my favorites.
So, the real questions are why do we do this to ourselves and are we going to cave to it?  What if I gave up working out now and sat down and ate that Ben and Jerry's?  Would that really be what would make me feel better about myself?  Or what if I got on the treadmill and forgot about what the doctor said and just focused on today and what makes me feel good?  Working up a sweat and taking care of myself by eating right?
What if you are standing in your own way?  What if your self talk is keeping you from something new that would make you look and feel a few years younger?  Or bring out your eyes?  What if the self talk you are repeating over and over again about the ponytail or the blonde highlights or the long hair down to your butt is really you using your hair as a security blanket?  What if you are doing the same thing you have been doing all your life simply because it is all you know and it is what's comfortable? 
I have decided to get out of my comfort zone.  I finished my early morning workout today with a renewed sense of self.  It doesn't matter right now what the scale says.  It matters that I am healthy and trying something new to better myself. 
I encourage you as your hairapist to try something new.  It doesn't have to be short hair and it doesn't have to be extreme.  But maybe those bangs you have been thinking about are the first step toward a new look that will make your blue eyes stand out.  Or maybe going a little lighter or darker with your color is a way to perk yourself up out of the winter blues.
Whatever it is, get out of your own head.  You could be the very thing standing in your own way from something even greater than what already is.
Believe.